


In the Starlight

by starstarfairy



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Alternate Universe - Splash Free, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Slow Burn, harurinpics, individual warnings by chapter in the authors notes, literally every au, nothing too scary but there will be some violence, rivals to friends to lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2018-08-16 23:57:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8122591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starstarfairy/pseuds/starstarfairy
Summary: "Back there, in the pool... you felt something too, didn't you?"Two hearts connected by water, and a force that threatens to tear them apart. But the water was too powerful to ignore. **Now with updated summary, since things are finally picking up~**





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, and welcome to my first multichapter fic! I'm a little nervous to post this, especially since it's very slow at the beginning, and I'm afraid that the idea I have is so grand that my writing won't be able to do it justice... but please bear with me!
> 
> Special thanks to Maya for coming up with the idea with me and then being a sounding board for all my ideas when I took it and ran with it. I'm finally posting it!
> 
> This fic will be All Of The AUs, and it's a bit convoluted, and things won't seem to make sense in the beginning... again, please bear with me!! It'll all make sense soon, when we get to The Thing. You'll find out what The Thing is later.
> 
> To avoid marking this story with every warning ever, I will post individual specific warnings at the beginning of each chapter. For example, this being a reincarnation fic, obviously they will have to die before they get reborn, but I'm not going to tag Major Character Death. I'll let you guys know when the dying is gonna happen when we get to it, though.

_In the beginning, there was nothing but the Great Sea--a vast pool of water, stretching as far as the eye could see. The Sea was filled with life, and all who lived with it were happy and at peace._

_When the Sea began to recede, it left behind the Sands. For a time, the people on the Sands lived near enough to the Sea that they could enjoy it, but as time passed, the Sea grew further and further away from them, until water became scarce…_

“Father, why do we have to learn about the Great Sea if it no longer exists?”

Toraichi chuckled, patting his young son’s head. “It is often said that the value of something is not truly known until it is lost.”

The little boy wrinkled his small nose. “I don’t understand.”

The king smiled gently. “Rin, you know that water is something very precious, right?” Rin thought for a moment. He supposed water was important, since it was something he used every day. He nodded. “Well, people in the past did not think it was precious, because they had so much of it. But now that water is scarce, we understand how important it is, because we need it to survive.”

“So… when people had lots of water, they didn’t think it was important?” Rin frowned.

His father nodded patiently, encouraging him to think harder. “Right.”

“But we always have water at home,” Rin said, thoroughly confused. “It isn’t _that_ special.”

Toraichi sighed, putting his arm around his son. “When you become king, you can have all the water you need. But not everyone can be king… and not everyone can have enough water.”

“Why not?” Rin demanded stubbornly. “We can share ours, right? Mother always says that sharing is the right thing to do.”

To Rin’s dismay, his father did not leap to take his advice. “It is not that simple, Rin. There… is just not enough water for everyone to have enough. There are always going to be people who do not have enough.”

Rin pouted, crossing his arms. He wanted his father to listen to him; he thought that it had been a brilliant idea. “What happens to the people who don’t have enough water then?”

A somber look took over the king’s features. “They get very sick. Sometimes... they even die.”

“What!” Rin stood up. He had had no idea water was _that_ important.

“Sit down, Rin,” his father scolded gently. “This is important.” Rin sat down sheepishly as his father continued. “People in the past never knew they could die from having too little water, because they had always had enough. The lesson is, to appreciate what you have, while you have it, because it is more valuable than you realize. Do you understand?”

Rin nodded. “Yes, father.” He paused thoughtfully. “But they should have saved the water for the future, so everyone now would have enough.”

His father smiled again. “Not everyone back then was as smart as you are,” he said, patting his son’s head. Rin grinned, now proud of himself. “But because they had so much water, they had special ways of using it besides just drinking it. They could even use it to travel to different places.”

Rin gasped. “ _Really?_ ” His small brain could not comprehend how one would travel using water; it seemed like magic. His eyes sparkled with wonder. “How?”

Toraichi stood, holding out a hand towards Rin. “I think now might be a good time for a field trip. What do you say, Rin?”

Rin cheered, taking his father’s hand and swinging it as he skipped alongside him. He chattered excitedly about his other lessons and childish nonsense with his father, who listened and nodded along patiently. Rin continued his prattling even as his father hoisted him upon a camel and brought them into the desert.

After half an hour, Rin finally paused his rambling. “Father, where are we going?”

“Somewhere where there is always water.”

“Oh,” said Rin. He was quiet for a moment, then: “Are we almost there?”

His father smiled. “Almost.”

After another few minutes, a spot of green appeared on the horizon. Rin pointed it out excitedly. “Are we going _there?_ ”

“Yes.”

Rin cheered, excited he had guessed correctly. “Why are we going there? What’s over there?” Rin bounced on the camel’s back, buzzing with energy.

“Today,” his father said with false airs, as if pretending to give an important speech, “we shall learn about… the Sailors.”

“ _Ooh,_ ” Rin breathed.

“See all of this sand all around you, Rin?” Rin nodded. “Long ago, it was once covered in water. That is what the sea was; nothing but water, as far as the eye could see, just like the sands in the desert.”

Rin looked around at the desert, the sun setting over the horizon bathing everything in a deep orange glow. It was hard to imagine everything covered in water when the sand was so pretty.

“Here we are.” Rin’s father halted the camel as they approached a collection of green. He tied the camel to a small, sturdy plant, and helped his son off of the camel’s back. Rin rushed into the greenery, exclaiming his amazement at the plants growing in the middle of the desert.

As Rin broke through the shrubs, though, he stopped. In the middle of the clearing was a pool of water, large enough to fit the entire royal guard, and deep enough that he likely would not be able to touch the bottom. The still water on the surface seemed to sparkle in the light of the setting sun.

His father appeared behind him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “This is what we call an oasis,” he said. “Legend has it that these exist because they are all that remains of the sea.”

“The sea…” Rin mused aloud. He stared out at the oasis, his eyes wide. “I wonder what it was like…”

“All we have now are legends, but they can give us some clues. Would you like to hear the old stories?” Toraichi sat down on the sand, patting the spot beside himself.

Rin sat beside his father, looking upon the oasis as he listened to stories of great expanses of water that were countless times greater and deeper than this one. His father told of how the lands were once separated by water, and people could build special carts-- _boats_ \--to travel in the water to go to faraway places. Even though the boats were as big as a small village, they stayed afloat in the water, which Rin thought sounded more like magic than anything. His father told stories until the stars came out, and then told more of how the people on the boats, the sailors, would use them to find their way even when there were no buildings or roads in the sea to guide them. “Like a map in the sky,” he said. He even taught him how to read the stars like a map, like the sailors did!

Rin watched the surface of the pool glitter with the light of the moon and the stars. It would have been amazing to be a sailor, he thought. To be surrounded by nothing but water and stars. But it would have been awfully lonely...

His father broke his reverie. “Do you want to go in the water?”

Rin snapped his head around to look at his father, startled. “Is that allowed?”

Toraichi laughed. “No one else knows about this place. I say you can.”

Despite his father’s permission, Rin was still wary in taking his first steps towards the water. His father took his hand, guiding him towards the edge of the pool. Rin dipped a foot in carefully, then quickly pulled it out. “Cold!” he shrieked.

“You will grow accustomed to the temperature. Here, try putting your foot back in. Like this.” Slipping off his sandal, Toraichi eased his own, much larger foot into the pool next to him.

Rin looked upon his father's calm demeanor with the absolute reverence of a child. He wanted to be brave like him. Following his father's lead, he put his foot back into the water next to his father's.

“Better?” His father squeezed his hand.

After a moment, Rin nodded. “It feels alright now.”

“Good.” Suddenly Rin was hoisted up by the arms as his father jumped completely into the pool, son and all.

Rin squealed with surprised laughter. “Father!”

Toraichi laughed heartily along with his son, holding him close as his small arms flailed uselessly in the water. “Rin, do you want to learn to swim?”

Rin gasped, a hair’s breadth away from inhaling water where his father held him afloat. “ _Yes!_ ” he splashed.

After his lesson, Rin became fascinated with the old myths and legends. He devoured whatever books he could find in the palace library, reading everything he could find. He studied history to learn more about the kingdoms of the past; he studied astronomy to learn more about how to read the stars; he studied literature to better understand the stories he read.

His younger sister Gou teased him whenever she found him in the library surrounded by books. “You are always studying!” she would complain. “How boring!”

“You are just jealous because you haven't learned to read yet,” Rin would reply.

Once Rin had exhausted the academic resources in the library he was capable of understanding, and thoroughly impressed all of his tutors, he began leafing through other volumes purely for entertainment’s sake. Despite still being a child, Rin was not always keen on going out to play when his only playmate was his sister. The library offered the comfort of silence and routine--and the people in the stories spoke to him more often than any of the residents in the palace. He read tales of magic and romance and faraway lands. He liked to imagine that the spellcasters were kind, and the princess was never lonely. All his favorite stories had happy endings.

When Rin was eight years old, he discovered new books on higher shelves he had not yet been able to reach. He found a book that looked to be about astronomy, and began to browse through it. But after a few pages, he discovered that the book was not about astronomy at all, but rather about myths and legends. He settled into a comfortable chair to read one of the stories.

_When two souls are destined to meet, their fates are said to be written in the stars. The two souls are bound beyond circumstance and beyond lifetimes. It is inevitable, then, that these two souls connected by such a strong bond form a powerful relationship with one another--often becoming close friends or comrades, but more likely, falling in love…_

Rin was _thrilled_ with this tale. There could be someone out there, just for him! As he spent most of his days on his own, a small boy wandering the halls of a great palace, it was comforting to think that someday he would not be so lonely.

Gou teased him about his obsession with this story relentlessly, as siblings were wont to do. “You are just jealous that I will have someone else to play with,” Rin would reply.

Toraichi continued to tutor him whenever he could. Although he brought in the best tutors in the city to teach his children, he thought it was important for them to learn from their parents as well, as most normal children did. The tutors raised an eyebrow at his practices, but they certainly could not complain about the occasional break.

They continued their father-and-son trips to the secret oasis. Although the queen fretted at the two of them wandering in the middle of the desert, Toraichi stressed that the change of scenery would be beneficial to Rin’s development.

Rin relished these trips. His child’s mind was insatiably curious, and he gladly seized any opportunity he could to pester his father with the endless questions that swam in his ever-expanding mind. “Father, I studied a new legend in the library,” he started one day, as they sat on the shore of the oasis watching the sun set. “Do you think it could be possible… I have someone I am meant to be with? As in…” Rin blushed, feeling strangely uncomfortable having this conversation with his father. “You know--getting married. That sort of thing.”

“Ah, Rin…” Toraichi smiled wistfully, putting his arm around his son. “You are growing up.”

Rin said nothing, staring at his own hands fidgeting in his lap. Suddenly, he did not want to have this conversation anymore. His father patted his head reassuringly. “I will tell you the same thing my father told me,” he said. “It is not easy to find love when you have a kingdom to rule. But there is always someone out there for everyone, and whether you happen upon that person in a normal way or not, whether you marry that person or not… one way or another, you will find a person that makes you feel the way no one else does.”

Rin thought for a moment. “Are you and Mother in love?” he asked, somewhat hopeful.

Toraichi smiled sincerely. “Yes we are. Very much.”

Rin nodded, satisfied. “I will not marry someone I do not love. If there is someone out there that I’m supposed to love… I will wait.” He clenched his small fists in his lap.

Toraichi saw his son’s naive determination, and felt a wave of nostalgia for his own youth. “You will do what feels right when the time comes,” he said. He knew better than to discourage Rin when it came to his dreams.

Young Rin spent his days exploring everything he could to feed his curious--and bored--mind. He was an incredibly bright boy, with no peers to share his time with. Occasionally visiting nobles would bring their children to meet him and Gou, but he never saw any of them often enough to make friends. His parents never let him play with the servants’ children, but he did not mind that rule so much; those children made fun of his stories, calling him an idealist and a hopeless romantic. Around them, he found himself uncharacteristically silent.

So it was on his own that Rin explored the secrets of the palace. He did not need the other children anyway, they would just hold him back! Rin was determined to find freedom in his solitude until he found someone who finally understood him. Then, oh, what fun they would have together…!

Rin discovered many hidden hallways in the palace that he had never known were there. He liked to think they were secret tunnels that only he knew about. Sometimes, they would let him out in odd places, like a servants’ quarters or the kitchen--Rin found himself in trouble more often than not.

With his curiosity often getting him into trouble, Rin found himself at the mercy of the royal advisor and high priestess, Aya. She was a shrewd woman of the same age as his parents, yet her hard features and cold personality made her seem much older. She practiced in several magical arts, and thus was trusted by many for everything from divination to healing. Rin’s father had known her for many years, and had brought her into the palace under the assumption that she would advise him on matters of spiritual and cultural importance, as well as serving as royal sage and healer; however, with the birth of Rin and Gou and the loss of their grandmother, her role was frequently reduced to that of a nanny. She did not seem pleased with her situation, and regarded the children with bitterness.

Rin hated being with Aya. She spoke to him without kindness, and she smelled of rotting fruit. Her strange jewelry made eerie noises as she crept up behind him to tell him to wash his feet. She would grab him by the neck and push him towards the baths, and her fingernails felt like claws. Rin sometimes thought she might be a demon rather than a witch. But no one else seemed to share his feelings; she was cordial to the adults, and Gou was charming enough to placate her. No one would hear him when he complained that Aya was cruel; everyone liked her except for Rin. Again, he was alone.

But even Aya’s cruelty could not keep Rin’s thirst for adventure at bay. He started wandering the palace later at night, thrilled and somewhat terrified with the darkness and strange noises. He felt his way along the tunnels, turning where he thought he might find a room. After several nights of blindly searching, he finally found a new door. He pushed it open slowly, careful not to make a sound.

The pale moonlight streaming through the window illuminated the extravagant bed in the center of the room, draped with embroidered linens that seemed to shimmer as they fluttered in the gentle breeze. Beneath the covers lay two peacefully sleeping figures--his parents! Rin smiled to himself. He hadn’t known there had been a tunnel to his parents’ room, too. He would have to tell his father about it later.

From the corner of the room, the fluttering curtains quietly revealed a dark figure. Rin held his breath. Someone else was here.

The figure moved toward the bed, where the moonlight illuminated its face. _Aya_. Rin clamped his mouth shut, holding in a cry.

Aya bent over the sleeping form of the king, placing her hand over his head. The jewels on her arms and neck twinkled and clinked as she moved. Her lips moved rapidly as she uttered a silent incantation. The king’s breath stuttered under her hand. As she withdrew, her shining talismans fell silent, and the king’s breath stopped. Another breeze blew through the room, and in a moment, Aya vanished through the curtains once more.

Rin watched his father with wide eyes. He lay absolutely still next to his mother’s gently rising and falling form. Rin prayed desperately to every god he could think of to let his father move again.

He did not.

Rin dashed into the room on his tiptoes, grabbing his father’s arm. It already felt cold. He lay his head next to his father’s face; not even a faint breath. He pried open his father’s eyelids, but instead of his warm ruby eyes, he saw only whites and veins. Rin lurched back. His father’s arm fell limp off the side of the bed.

Rin ran through the door to the tunnel, not bothering to close the door, turning back the way he came directly towards his bed. He buried himself under the covers and shut his eyes tight.

This had to be a nightmare. Father couldn’t be dead. Aya couldn’t just disappear and reappear like that--she couldn’t possibly kill him just by touching his head. Father could _not_ be dead…! No priestess was powerful enough to kill someone like that--Father _isn't_ dead. Rin clutched his pillow, burying his head beneath the blankets.  If Rin just went to sleep in this horrible dream, he would wake up in the real world, where everything would be fine.

He awoke early the next morning to a cacophony of screams and shouts in the palace halls. His stomach clenched as he dragged himself out of bed into the chaos. He refused to acknowledge what could possibly be the cause. _It was a dream_ , he thought. _It was only a dream. A terrible, horrible dream._

Rin’s eyes widened. The halls were filled with every person in the palace, running to and fro in their bedclothes, nervously trading the same piece of news:

“The king is dead.”

Rin clenched his fists, his eyes filling with tears. He pushed through the crowd, teary eyed vision blurring their figures into nothing but shapeless spots of color. He squinted through the mess, seeking out the red robes of the royal family. He finally broke into a clearing in front of his parents’ room, guarded by a half dozen members of the royal guard. Seeing his desperate, bleary eyed look, they immediately made way for the young prince.

Rin first noticed his sister crying hysterically on the bed next to his father’s lifeless body, exactly where he had last seen it. She clutched the sleeve of his robe, wiping her nose on the blankets. Rin felt like crying all over again, but he needed to be strong. He was the big brother, and father always told him to protect Gou…

On the cushions at the foot of the bed, their mother wept softly as Aya held a comforting arm around her. Rin suddenly felt sick. How _dare_ she comfort Mother, when this was all her fault--!

Rin screamed, tackling Aya and swatting at her uselessly. “You--!” He cried, his eyes spilling over with tears again. “How--why--you--” Rin wailed, his tears soaking his face.

“Rin!” His mother claimed him, taking him into her arms. “Rin, dear, please…” Her voice was hoarse with tears.

Rin cried uselessly in his mother’s arms, clutching at her necklace until the chains dug into his palm. He aimed a weak kick in Aya’s direction. She patted his leg affectionately, but Rin knew it was false. He cried harder.

Every member of the city appeared at the memorial to pay their final respects. Rin found it increasingly difficult to appear dignified the more people wept at his father’s ashes. How dare they cry, when they knew nothing of just how great his father truly was! He wanted to scream, but he held it in. Gou clutched at his arm, hiding her tears behind him whenever they fell.

Aya dared to shed a tear, and that hurt Rin the worst of all. He could no longer pretend to respect her when he now knew who she truly was. He stopped her in the corridor after the service, grabbing her wrist.

“I saw what you did,” he said.

She broke free of his grip, turning to stare him down. “How?”

“The tunnels.” Rin swallowed. “I--I don’t know how, but--you used magic, and you made him stop breathing…I _saw_ you do it…”

Aya inhaled sharply. She grabbed Rin’s hair, forcing him to tilt his head up to look her in the eye. “You’re a mischievous little brat,” she sneered. Rin winced at her rotten breath. “No one will take _that_ seriously.”

Rin squared his jaw, his eyes hardening. “I know.”

 

* * *

 

_...but as time passed, the Sea grew further and further away from them, until water became scarce…_

Haruka awakened to the bright light streaming in through his window.

_That dream…_

He wasn’t sure why he so often dreamed of the sea as a faraway, mythical thing, when he lived so close to the beach. But the dreams held some sort of nostalgia to them--as if that concept had been familiar to him, once upon a time.

Haruka frowned at the thought. Nothing about his dreams ever made sense, but there was one thing he could always be absolutely sure of: he never wanted to live in a world without water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this probably makes like 0 sense considering what the summary is lol... the next chapter will continue from the present day, and we'll get to all the swimming (and rinharu) shortly!!
> 
> please leave constructive criticism if you feel so inclined~ I'm trying to write in a slightly different voice for the parts that are in the past and I'm not sure it's so successful ;o; I would love to hear your feedback! if you liked this even a little bit, I would be so happy! thanks for reading~!


	2. Teeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka joins the swim team at Inada University, and meets one of his teammates who really gets on his nerves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, sorry this chapter took so long!! Life kicked my ass with Rufflecon and midterms. I'm kind of sad it's as short as it is because of how long it took, but it is what it is.
> 
> Speaking of Rufflecon, if anyone can tell me where I got the title of this fic from, we have to get married immediately.
> 
> Anyway, let's get to the main story~

Haruka Nanase was twelve years old when the dreams became less vague.

It started off normally enough: the night of his first swim meet in middle school, he dreamt he was swimming. But in this dream, he wasn't alone. He was racing, with someone, and that someone's presence in the water was _electrifying_ , and the race was too close to call. He woke in the middle of the night with a gasp as his dream-self slapped the wall.

It could have just been leftover adrenalin, he tried to reason. Maybe he was hitting puberty, and along with weird changes in his body came weird changes in his dreams, too. He could just write this one off as a random anomaly and let it go.

But the more he dwelt on the memory of the dream, the more it felt like he was trying to remember something _real_ , something that was just out of his grasp and incomprehensible. He reached with his mind, frustrated with his inability to understand just _what_ had been happening;

_So--_

_who was the winner?_

Haruka’s heart pounded. That had not been a part of the dream he'd just had, yet he was _sure_ it was what came next.

Why?

Haruka rolled over in bed, burrowing deeper beneath the covers and squinting into the darkness.

_I am_

_uncertain_

“Stop that,” Haruka whispered aloud to no one. He shut his eyes and forced himself to think of absolutely nothing.

Haruka didn't know why he knew, but he knew this dream was connected somehow with his dreams about the desert. Like they took place in the same world.

But who swims in the desert?

What?

Haruka covered his head with his pillow and groaned. It definitely wouldn’t be the last night he’d have these dreams.

The water was a mysterious thing. It raised more questions than it answered. But it still felt like _something_ to be in the water, like when Haruka swam, he was _going_ somewhere, he was _getting_ to something.

So Haruka continued to swim, even through high school, drawing attention with his blind determination to swim and _keep_ swimming. His offhand excuse was that he had nothing else to do with his free time, but the truth was much deeper. Above all, when he swam, especially when he competed, he felt a _pull_ , almost like--

_I accept_

\--like the answers to all his questions were _finally_ within his grasp.

But he couldn't go around telling people he was chasing the ghost of his dreams, after all. Sometimes he even began to wonder himself if he hadn't just been deluding himself this whole time. But the memory of the first time he felt that feeling was still strong. The first time that everything, for one brief moment, shifted into focus and seemed perfectly clear. He felt echoes of it even as he swam, even in his dreams, but it was never as strong as the first time. Yet Haruka knew that if he kept swimming, he would find it--whatever _it_ was.

A scout at his last high school competition, impressed with his freestyle, offered him a spot on their team at Inada University. He took it, and followed his dream from the small seaside town of Iwatobi to the big city of Tokyo.

His heart swelled when he saw the pool for the first time, and he knew: _it’s here._

* * *

 

There were entirely too many people in Tokyo.

Tokyo was such a large city that it had to be split up into a bunch of smaller cities-- _wards_ \--and even those were split even further into neighborhoods. Tokyo was like a country within a country. Haruka had a much longer mailing address than he had had in Iwatobi.

His living space, however, was much smaller. In his grandmother’s home in Iwatobi, there was enough space for a family to comfortably spread out. This new apartment, though, was just big enough for him and whatever furniture and belongings he had. He supposed it would be easier to keep it clean this way; it wasn’t like he’d be entertaining many guests, anyway.

Haruka sighed, taking a break from unpacking to crack open a can of Pocari on the balcony. The sun was beginning to set, but the city seemed as busy as ever. In his building, he figured there were about twenty apartments. Combine that with the dozen or so other apartment complexes on his block, and there were just too many people for it to ever seem quiet.

 _At least it will never feel lonely_ , he thought, crushing the can in his fist.

Haruka recalled the self-guided tour he had taken of his new university earlier that day. The university was so large that it had to be split up into different campuses, which Haruka thought was absurd. Apparently this was typical of Tokyo universities, although two of the campuses were practically across the street from each other, which was not as typical. Tokyo was a strange place.

At least, Haruka had been able to easily locate the most convenient shops on the way to the train station. It would have been hard to miss them with their bright flickering signs advertising their competitive prices and daily specials. Not to mention the overwhelming amount of fast food, restaurants, and food carts lining the streets. Overwhelming as the city was, there was comfort in not having to worry about small conveniences like food.

 _I want to swim_ , he thought.

Sighing, Haruka closed the door behind himself and went back inside. He figured if he at least finished unpacking the kitchen, he could take a break and cook himself a proper meal.

He barely heard the jingle of his phone over the clanging of dishes being put away. Haruka raised an eyebrow at his phone. Who would be sending him messages now? Both of his eyebrows raised when he saw the name. Ikuya Kirishima--one of his teammates from middle school. What's he doing contacting him now? Curious, Haruka opened the message.

 **[19:07]** I ran into Makoto before. He said you'll be swimming for Inada University. I am too.

 _Makoto,_ Haruka frowned. _Always saying unnecessary things_. Haruka narrowed his eyes at the photo of himself and his childhood friend on his desk.

Now Haruka was in a tight spot; he had to reply to Ikuya, or it would seem rude. But what would he possibly say? They hadn't spoken in years, and their friendship hadn't run much deeper than being on the same team. _So troublesome_.

 **[19:12]** See you there.

Haruka felt absurd sending the message. Of course they would see each other there. At least since he acknowledged the message quickly, he wouldn't have to deal with it later. Haruka put his phone face down on the counter, pointedly ignoring it in favor of grilling a mackerel filet for dinner.

The next day he had an introductory meeting with the team before their first practice. They really didn't waste any time; his classes hadn't even started yet. Haruka found himself on the train to Inada again, swim bag in tow, wondering idly if the lower rent outside of the city center made up the difference for the cost of the train pass.

Campus was already teeming with people. Haruka gripped the strap of the bag slung across his chest tightly.

“Oh, Haru.” Haruka turned to find Ikuya walking up to him with wide eyes, his hand raised in a half-wave. “Didn’t expect to run into you this soon.”

“Yeah,” Haruka nodded, keeping his eyes trained forward as they fell into step with each other, walking towards the swim center.

Ikuya’s eyes were still on Haruka. “Nervous?”

Haruka bristled. “No.”

Ikuya seemed satisfied with his answer, though. “It’ll be fine.” He said it as if he needed to hear it just as much as he thought Haruka did.

A few people were milling about uncertainly in the lobby of the swim center. A cheerful face appeared from the hallway. “Ah, first years?” He asked. “Follow me! We’ll have introductions by the pool and then start practice right away.”

The murmuring group followed him through the corridor to the pool. The senior members of the team were already there messing around, their laughs echoing off of the natatorium walls. Haruka pursed his lips. _So noisy._

The sound died down as the back door swung open, allowing three older and more serious looking men in. Haruka recognized one of them as the coach he had spoken to when committing to Inada’s swim club. Everyone in the room stood up a little straighter before taking a quick bow in their direction.

“Alright then. Thank you for being here, everyone,” the coach spoke. He was a square man with deep-set wrinkles and a booming voice. “We’ll pass around informational packets that will include this year’s schedule and training goals, as well as your locker assignments and equipment requisitions, forms and waivers…” Everyone’s eyes seemed to glaze over a bit. Haruka tuned the coach out as he flipped through the packet. “First years will receive an additional packet of forms to fill out. Please turn them in by the end of the week. Now,” the coach flipped over a page on his clipboard, “if we could have the first years introduce themselves to the rest of the team?”

Haruka and Ikuya glanced at each other. Neither of them wanted to go first.

“I’ll start.”

Another first year, barely taller than Haruka and with unbelievably bright red hair, stepped forward. He had an enviable air of confidence about him. Haruka felt a surge of immediate dislike that he forced himself to quell.

“My name is Rin Matsuoka,” he said, flashing his teeth. “I studied abroad in Australia at a swimming school in high school, but I’m happy to be swimming in my own country again. Thank you for the opportunity.”

 _Australia?_ _A swimming school?_ Matsuoka seemed pretty serious. That surge of dislike threatened to rage again, but Haruka reigned it in to a level fit for friendly rivalry. Haruka already knew he was up against some tough competition now--keeping up with his teammates was only the first hurdle. This wasn’t high school anymore.

“Thank you, Matsuoka,” said the coach. “Next.”

Matsuoka’s eyes landed on Haruka, and he smiled, his teeth reflecting the floodlights of the natatorium in a glint. All the other first years’ eyes followed his--Haruka shifted uncomfortably under their gaze. He stepped up. “I’m Haruka Nanase,” he said brusquely. The coach looked pointedly at Haruka as he paused--” _that’s all?”_ he seemed to say with his eyes--so Haruka continued: “...Thank you for having me.”

“Awkward as always,” Ikuya muttered under his breath.

* * *

 

“Don't I know you from somewhere?”

Haruka clicked open his locker, his eyebrow quirking at Matsuoka’s question. “No.”

“Really? I could have sworn I've seen you before,” Matsuoka continued. “Where are you from? Have we swum in tournaments together or something?”

Haruka unzipped his bag, unpacking his gear with a measured level of irritation. _What’s with this guy?_ Did he ever stop talking? “Iwatobi,” he grumbled.

“Oh really? No way! I'm from Sano! Not far at all,” he grinned. Haruka resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “I swam abroad for a while--” _I know, idiot,_ Haruka wanted to say, “--but we've probably met at tournaments when we were younger.”

Haruka changed quickly in silence, ignoring the prattling Matsuoka beside him. Sociable people were so exhausting.

“Oi, Nanase,” Matsuoka leaned against the locker beside his. “Don't be rude. I'm trying to make a friend here, y’know? Why are you just throwing it back in my face like that?”

Haruka slammed his locker shut; Matsuoka jumped, and quickly composed himself to save face. Had they been better acquainted it would have been comical, but right now everything about Matsuoka was just _irritating_. Finally, Haruka faced him. “Because in case you haven't noticed, Matsuoka,” he said, “everyone else has already gone to practice.”

“Gah!” Matsuoka yelped, eyes going wide. “Shit!” Matsuoka scrambled to open his locker, shucking off his pants with one hand and grabbing his practice legskins with the other. He stumbled a bit kicking off his pants before jumping into his suit in one fluid motion, then dashed to the showers, goggles and cap in hand. “I'm not done with you yet, Nanase!” he called as he ran.

Haruka covered his mouth to keep from bursting into laughter.

* * *

 

“Just in time,” the coach smiled grimly. “Nanase, Matsuoka, pair up and stretch.”

“Annoying,” Haruka muttered.

“What was that?” Matsuoka smiled. He had definitely heard Haruka.

Haruka said nothing, plopping down on the mat expectantly. Matsuoka extended his arms upwards, stretching out his spine quickly before joining him.

They stretched together much the same way as it had been in the locker room, with Matsuoka blabbering on endlessly and Haruka grumbling along, trying to avoid acknowledging him as much as possible. Either Matsuoka genuinely didn't pick up on the cue that Haruka found him impossibly irritating--even more so than he found most people, for whatever reason--or he was doing it specifically to be annoying. Haruka couldn't tell.

“So Iwatobi, huh?” Matsuoka said, changing the subject from whatever he'd been talking about earlier that was clearly not catching Haruka's interest. He matched his feet to Haruka's and held out his hands. “What school did you swim for?”

Haruka took Matsuoka’s hands. (They were slightly bigger than his own, and strong, and very warm. _How annoying._ ) “Iwatobi High School,” he said as Matsuoka pulled him forward.

“Really!” Matsuoka sounded impressed. “How did some guy from a small town public school get the scouts to notice him?”

Haruka shrugged, pulling Matsuoka forward. “I placed sixth in Nationals my senior year.”

Matsuoka whistled low. “That's pretty impressive, no-name or not.”

“So people said,” Haruka replied. He didn't see how it was a big deal. “...What about you?” he cautioned, aiming for politeness more than anything else.

Matsuoka’s expression brightened visibly. “I was in Sydney, at a swimming school. Real rough competition there, since everyone swam, plus I was on scholarship so I had to keep my grades up…” Matsuoka laughed nervously, sitting up. “I think I turned out alright though. Placed sixth my senior year too, actually,” he grinned, a competitive spark lighting in his eyes, “so we're evenly matched.”

Haruka narrowed his eyes, letting go of Matsuoka’s hands. Something changed in Matsuoka’s eyes when he let go, which he chose to ignore--and if he suddenly felt a little emptier with the loss of the feeling of Matsuoka’s hand in his, it was merely a coincidence.

Haruka promptly turned around, bringing his knees together and hugging them close as he rolled onto his back. He shut his eyes and refused to think about Matsuoka any longer.

“Need some help?” _Damn it._ “You're not doing it right.”

Haruka cracked his eyes open. “I'm fine.”

Matsuoka shook his head. “You're not getting a stretch like that. Here, move your legs like this--” Matsuoka cupped Haruka’s knees, easing them open slightly and pushing them further into his chest.

Haruka sucked in a breath, which he blamed entirely on the stretch. He might have imagined Matsuoka’s hands gripping his knees a little bit tighter.

“Now just--” Matsuoka looked up at Haruka's face, and then froze. Haruka’s eyes went wide as they met his. For an instant, a shock hit both of them at once as they shared the same feeling, like an echo of a dream;

_hold onto me_

Matsuoka sucked in a breath. “Just--just hold it for a few more seconds…” He was blushing fiercely all the way to the tips of his ears; yet he did not let go of Haruka's gaze. “...There,” he said after a long moment, finally releasing Haruka and looking pointedly away.

Haruka’s heart jumped into his throat as Matsuoka’s touch suddenly disappeared--like having the ground ripped out from under his feet. He stared up at the ceiling, his nerves reaching out and trying to reclaim the feeling of Matsuoka’s hands on his skin.

What _was_ this? He didn't even _like_ Matsuoka.

Steeling himself, Haruka shoved his weird conflicting feelings into the back of his mind. He knelt up, facing a still red-faced Matsuoka. “Your turn.”

Matsuoka’s throat bobbed. “Right,” he wavered, lying back with his knees up. Haruka knelt over him carefully, stretching his legs. Matsuoka looked entirely away from Haruka, his head turned to the side.

Haruka leaned into the stretch, narrowing his eyes at Matsuoka’s face. _What was he thinking now…?_ he wondered.

He felt the shadow of a memory brush his mind, then fade back into nothingness. Just like what had happened before...

Haruka backed off. “Hm,” he said, as if to say _well, that's enough of that._ He sat back on his heels, studying Matsuoka’s reaction carefully.

Without Haruka in his personal space, Matsuoka quickly returned to his usual temperament-- _annoying_. “Alright, let's hurry up and finish stretching!” he laughed, a little too loudly and a little too quickly. “I wanna see what you're made of, Nanase. You up for a race?” Matsuoka grinned with all his teeth. Haruka found it difficult to look at--intimidating, or--dazzling…?

“No,” Haruka said, both in response to Matsuoka’s question and his own errant thoughts. _Stop that--What's with this embarrassing guy?_ he thought, attempting to divert his frustration away from himself and towards Matsuoka.

Matsuoka’s grin shifted into a smirk. “Well, too bad, Nanase, but we're on a swim team,” he shrugged. “You're gonna be racing me whether you want to or not.”

Haruka turned his head away, glaring angrily at the pool as if it were the water’s fault he was stuck with Matsuoka today.

Why did that guy have to suddenly hang around all over him, anyway? He talked too much, and smiled _way_ too much. And his stupid red hair was always falling in his red eyes, and what business did he have being so _bright_ anyway? And he was just _barely_ taller enough for it to be noticeable, which was just insulting.

_So annoying._

Haruka vowed to beat him in a race, no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like this even a little I will be so happy. Please leave feedback if you feel so inclined!!
> 
> Also!! I currently do not have a beta reader for this fic, and since it's a much bigger writing project than I've ever done before, I think I could really use one! If you'd be interested in helping me out, please send me a message!


	3. Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That annoying red headed guy on the swim team is starting to get even more annoying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year! Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out. This past semester totally snuck up on me towards the end. This is unbeta'd still, so sorry for any mistakes!
> 
> Whoever can guess what real-life university I (loosely) based the university in this fic off of gets a cookie. I feel like it's obvious but only because I've done stupid amounts of research. (Disclaimer: I have never been to Japan)

Haruka stepped onto the starting block, pulling down his goggles. He looked to his left to catch a glimpse of his opponent.

It was Matsuoka. Of course it was.

_tweet_

Haruka pushed off, diving over the swimmer in front of him. As soon as he broke the surface of the water, he could feel it was different. The water was charged with electricity, pulsing from the lane next to him. Haruka pushed forward, refusing to surface from the dolphin kick first.

They surfaced at the same time. Haruka could feel Matsuoka’s eyes on him as he took the first breath.

_“I’ll win.”_

Haruka’s kick stuttered. Had Matsuoka said that, or had he thought it himself? (No, there was no way Matsuoka could have said something--they were _swimming,_ and that voice was so clear--)

They approached the turn neck-and-neck. Haruka took a final gulp of air before hitting the wall. Matsuoka pushed off at the same time, briefly turning his glance in his direction. Haruka couldn’t even see his eyes, but his look pierced him to the core. This wasn’t the overly-friendly, all-smiles Matsuoka from earlier; this Matsuoka was completely serious, full of unbridled passion. A chill rippled down Haruka’s spine.

Haruka nearly forgot to reach for the wall. Gasping for air, Matsuoka and Haruka broke the surface. Haruka tore his cap and goggles off, chancing a look at Matsuoka. He was looking back at him, flushed, face stricken with awe.

Had--Haruka seen this face before?

“ _No,_ ” he muttered under his breath, turning away.

“Nanase, Matsuoka, out of the pool before you get run over,” someone called, breaking the trance. Haruka ducked his head under water, embarrassed. He made his way towards the ladder to save himself from the awkwardness of facing his teammates at the wall after--whatever just happened.

He padded over to that cheerful senpai--who insisted everyone call him by his first name, Takashi--to find out his time. Takashi was diligently tracking the times with another senior on their stopwatches, cross-checking them on their spreadsheets for accuracy. It was a little funny to see someone who seemed so goofy suddenly act so serious.

“So!” A hand slapped Haruka’s back, nearly knocking the eyes out of his head. He didn’t need to look to know it was Matsuoka. “Who won, me or Nanase?”

Takashi checked the times on his clipboard. “Honestly… too close to call.”

Matsuoka whistled low. “Looks like a rematch is in order,” he grinned, leaning on Haruka’s shoulder.

“No,” Haruka replied curtly, turning his head in the complete opposite direction of Matsuoka’s face.

“So cold!”

* * *

 

Haruka sighed under the hot shower water, letting his muscles finally relax. For just the first day of practice, it was already pretty tough on his body--and it would only get harder from here. It’d probably be prudent to do a little more cross-training than just the occasional morning jog. Haruka made a face at the thought.

 _I just want to swim,_ Haruka thought, his chest feeling heavy. He held his hand out under the stream of water, watching it run down his fingers and drip onto the tile floor.

_“Based on today’s time trials, the new additions to the practice groups for the coming weeks will be… Group A, with the fastest times: Matsuoka, Nanase…”_

_The fastest times, huh._

Stepping out of the warm embrace of the steam, Haruka spotted a laughing flash of red hair standing _far_ too close to his own locker for comfort, trading stories of training abroad with his fellow way-too-energetic-to-be-fresh-out-of-swim-practice teammates.

Haruka toweled off his hair on the other side of the locker room.

Once their laughter had died down, Haruka poked his head around to check if they had left. No Matsuoka. He felt his shoulders relax as he finally opened his locker.

His phone clattered to the floor as he pulled his clothes out of his bag. _Oh_. He had to start being more careful with his phone, especially if he was actually _using_ it to keep in touch with people from home. He picked it up, noticing the blinking light in the corner--a new message?

 **[17:48]** Hi! How are you doing? Have you settled in yet? How about we meet for dinner tonight and catch up? I’ll come to you!

Haruka snorted; there wasn’t much _catching up_ to do at this point. Despite how tired he was, Haruka had no business to refuse. It was probably too late to buy something to cook for dinner at this point, and he didn’t really feel like cooking anyway.

 **[18:26]** Sure

Makoto was already sitting at the counter at the noodle shop when Haruka arrived, scrolling through his phone with a focused expression. Haruka sat down next to him wordlessly. After a beat, Makoto noticed him there. “Oh, Haru!” He jumped a little in his seat. “You should have said something!” Haruka shrugged, picking up the menu and searching for something familiar.

Makoto covered his mouth to laugh nervously. “Sorry, I already ordered for both of us. I hope that’s okay? I’m pretty sure I can usually guess what you want by now anyway.”

“Miso ramen with fish--” they said at the same time. Haruka _tsk_ ed. “Stop doing that.”

Makoto laughed again, picking up his glass of water. “We’ve known each other since we were five. It’d be a shame if I _didn’t_ know what you ate by now.” He took a sip, his smile growing wry. “And, no offense, but you’re not exactly what they call ‘unpredictable.’”

“Harsh words coming from you, Tachibana.”

Makoto choked on his water. “ _Haru!_ ” He spluttered, wiping his mouth. “I take it back! University has changed you!” he laughed.

Haruka allowed himself a small smile. Just then, a man appeared from behind the curtain with two piping hot bowls of ramen, sliding them across the counter before disappearing once again. Haruka silently added a thanks for the lack of socializing needed along with the thanks for his food as he broke his chopsticks.

They ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes. Haruka had never felt pressured to fill the silence with Makoto, and Makoto usually understood when Haruka would rather he didn’t say anything either.

Makoto set his chopsticks aside, finally turning towards Haruka. _Oh, here it is._ “So how is it so far?” He said it with such a hopeful smile, Haruka felt a little guilty for not having much to tell.

“It’s only been a couple days.”

“You started practice though, right?” Makoto urged. “What’s it like, is it really intense?”

Haruka’s eyes drifted back towards his ramen. “So many questions…”

“Sorry, sorry!” Makoto waved his hands frantically. “It’s just weird _not_ knowing what’s going on with you, you know? But you don’t have to tell me _everything_ , if you don’t want to--”

“It’s fine,” Haruka cut him off. He sighed. “Sorry, I’m just tired. Today was… exhausting.”

“Hm?” Makoto raised a questioning brow.

Had Haruka always needed to _talk_ this much with Makoto? Before, he’d never really needed to tell him things; he’d just know, because he was _there_. Now, it was like they were in different worlds.

Haruka begrudgingly elaborated. “First day of practice today. We had time trials and divided into practice groups.”

Makoto stirred the remainder of his noodles absently. “Eh, that doesn’t sound so bad?”

“I’m in the highest group.”

“Oh, congratulations!” Makoto said, picking out a few noodles.

Haruka shook his head. “There’s this… annoying guy. He’s also a first year, and he’s in my group. He won’t leave me alone.”

Makoto swallowed his noodles with a loud _slurp_. “Oh.” He smiled.

Haruka turned his attention back towards his ramen. He wanted to eat the rest of it before it got too cold.

“Maybe he’s just trying to be friendly?” Makoto offered. “I mean, you’re both first years, so he probably wanted to make friends with other guys on the team. It can’t hurt to make some more friends,” he added gently.

“No, that’s not it,” Haruka said. “He’s _annoying_. He singles me out, like it has to be me he talks to. He’s always asking me questions or teasing me. And--being around him feels weird. I--want to hate him, but I can’t.” He took a long drink of water. “Sorry. It’s stupid.”

“Hm…” Makoto put down his finished bowl. “To be honest, Haru,” he wiped his hands gingerly on a napkin, “I’ve never heard you say so much about one person at once.”

Haruka frowned deeply. “You’ve got it wrong.”

“Oh!” Makoto’s eyes widened. “I just meant, from what you’ve told me, I don’t think he’s as bad as you think? Or,” he tapped his chin, “as you want him to be, so you have an excuse to hate him, you know?”

“I--” _don’t think that’s it either_ , Haruka wanted to say, but he wasn’t so sure anymore. “He’s _really_ annoying,” he said helplessly.

Makoto smiled a relenting smile. “If you say so.”

* * *

 

The sound of his alarm woke Haruka up at 6:30 AM. Haruka squinted into the darkness at the blinking light on his phone, swiping at it lethargically to shut it off.

The harsh reality of his morning was that waking up at 6:30 AM would practically be considered sleeping in, now that morning training would be a regular part of his routine. Haruka didn't have morning training today, but he _did_ have his history class--Western Civilizations, 8:00 AM, East Campus building. Haruka squinted at the time on his phone, pulling the covers up to his chin. He wondered if it would be bad form for him to miss the first day of this class.

He lazily dragged himself through his morning routine, cooking his breakfast and lunch in the same pan while rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He packed double the lunch he usually would, remembering the swim team’s info packet advice to start increasing his calorie intake. He wondered if it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to develop a taste for coffee, too.

Pulling on his sneakers at the door and grabbing his swim bag, Haruka checked the time to make sure he'd make the train. He had enough time to catch the first one if he was fast. He locked the door of his tiny apartment behind him, opting to take it easy and go for the next train. It was too early to start running.

Even taking the second train, which was horrendously packed for the morning rush hour, Haruka still made it to campus nearly half an hour before his class began. He sighed as he sunk into his seat in the middle of the lecture hall. Next time, he'd sleep for another twenty minutes, or maybe take a bath. Haruka sat in the aisle seat and unloaded his things onto the seat next to him, hoping no one would sit next to him, and began to doze off.

A few minutes later, Haruka blinked back into consciousness to the murmur of students filling the room. At five minutes before class, the room was nearly full. Haruka pouted at the empty seat beside himself, hoping he wouldn't have to give it up.

“Oh, Nanase!” Haruka’s frown deepened. “You're in this class too?”

Matsuoka walked over, beaming at Haruka with a smile brighter than the sun. Haruka felt like he needed to squint. Matsuoka gestured towards the empty seat, still loaded with Haruka's bags, holding up his own bookbag. “Mind if I sit here?”

It was too early for this. Haruka slid his things onto the floor and under his chair with a measured frown, saying nothing. As Matsuoka took his seat, the professor entered the hall. The class settled down as the lecture began with the professor introducing the course material.

Matsuoka had already begun to take notes. What could he have possibly gathered that was worthy of being written down yet? Haruka took out his notebook, opening it to a clean sheet. _I won't lose to this annoying guy,_ he thought.

Matsuoka wrote fast. Did he even need to be writing all this down? Haruka frowned. He took notes anyway, not to be outdone by Matsuoka.

The professor droned on without pause, and Haruka found it increasingly difficult to pay attention. He had no idea how to write half of the foreign words in the lecture. He peeked at Matsuoka’s notebook to see how he had written them. Matsuoka’s handwriting was sharp, crisp, dynamic--and completely illegible from a distance. Haruka wondered if he was writing in a special shorthand that allowed him to take such fast notes.

Biting the inside of his cheek, Haruka bent further over his own notebook to continue writing. He took down all of the important dates, and even drew a timeline blocking out the different units that would be covered in class. Even he was impressed by his own thoroughness. Not that it made a difference, since Matsuoka was as focused on the professor as ever. (Not that Haruka was trying to _impress_ Matsuoka or anything, though.)

Halfway through the lecture, Haruka’s pen ran out of ink. He angrily scribbled on the corner of the page a few times before giving up and bending over to fish around in his bag for another. As he reached his hand into the front pocket, however, something landed on his notebook. Haruka sat up at the sound.

It was a pen identical to the one Matsuoka was writing with.

Haruka peered at Matsuoka, who was still diligently scribbling away. Was it his?

 _Right, notes_. Haruka picked up the pen. There was no cap, but when he pressed his thumb on the end, there was no click button, either. Haruka sighed.

“It twists,” Matsuoka murmured, still writing. Haruka narrowed his eyes, twisting the pen open. _I'm not stupid_ , he thought.

You're _the stupid one,_ his mind added as he returned to his note-taking. _Why did you give me this? Why are you writing so much? Why do you smile so much?_

_Stop that--_

“That concludes today's lecture. Please feel free to come to me with any questions.”

Matsuoka stretched, finally closing his notebook. Haruka stood, handing the pen to him without looking him in the eye.

Matsuoka blinked. “Oh. Keep it.”

Haruka frowned. “No,” he pushed the pen towards Matsuoka’s face insistently.

Matsuoka waved a hand, swatting it away. “Really, it's fine, I've got a dozen of them.”

Haruka gripped the pen tightly. _Why?_

“Hey, do you have a break now? Want to go get coffee or something?”

 _Why_?

“There's a café not far from here that looked pretty good, maybe we could try it?”

_Why are you being so friendly?_

“I--” Haruka wanted to lie _so badly_ and say he had another class, but his tongue got stuck in his throat. He nodded stiffly.

Matsuoka broke into a grin. “Great!”

* * *

 

The café was just around the corner from campus, and as expected of its prime location, was bustling with university students getting their caffeine fix. Matsuoka weaved his way through the crowd to the line. Haruka followed along with wide eyes, finding the amount of unfamiliar people in this small unfamiliar space all speaking at once a little much for him before noon.

“What would you like? I'm thinking of trying their new blend…”

“...I don't... come to places like this often,” Haruka admitted. Then, quieter, “I don't drink coffee.”

“In this day and age!” Matsuoka put his hand over his heart in mock offense. “Well, don't worry, they have other stuff too! More of a tea drinker, I'm guessing?”

Haruka shrugged. He didn't consider himself anything in particular. He did like tea from time to time, though. “I guess.”

There was that grin again. “I think we can find something you'll like.” Rin stepped up to the register and ordered for both of them. The drinks had strange sounding names that didn’t seem like the names of drinks at all.

They took their drinks to a tiny table in the corner of the cafe, in between the restroom and the windows. Both of their drinks barely fit on the table together. Haruka pinched the straw of his gingerly, examining the green liquid. “You didn’t have to buy mine too,” he said to the straw.

“Well, I invited you out,” Matsuoka said, waving his hand, “so it’s only right, you know?”

Haruka didn’t know. He wasn’t sure how any of this worked, actually. He stirred his drink curiously. “What is this, anyway?”

“It’s a green tea latte. Try it.”

Haruka took a sip. “It’s green tea. But creamy… and kind of sweet.”

Matsuoka rolled his eyes. “Well, yeah, that’s basically what ‘latte’ means. It has milk in it.” He lifted his own drink to his lips.

Haruka eyed his cup. “What did you get?”

“Cafe au lait,” he said. “Basically just strong coffee with milk.” He pushed the cup across the table towards Haruka with a cheeky grin. “Wanna try?”

Haruka raised an eyebrow, but lifted the hot cup to his lips. It had a nice aroma, but--he wrinkled his nose. “Bitter,” he said, pushing the cup back across the table.

Matsuoka shrugged, taking another sip. “Most people drink coffee like this with some kind of pastry, but I don’t mind it on its own. I don’t really like sweets much, anyway.”

“You… don’t like sweets?” This surprised Haruka. “You don’t seem the type.” Matsuoka didn’t really seem the type to dislike _anything_.

“Eh, they’re not my favorite.” Matsuoka grinned, showing all his sharp teeth. “I prefer spicy food.”

Haruka snorted. “Somehow, _that_ seems more your type.”

“Are you saying I’m _spicy_ , Nanase?” Matsuoka wiggled his eyebrows, grinning wider.

“No.” Haruka had no idea what face he could have been making, but it was probably a very strange one. He turned away sharply, feeling his face heat up. “Shut up.”

“Ohoh~” Matsuoka laughed. “You actually get embarrassed easily, huh, Nanase?” He kicked him lightly under the table.

Haruka frowned. “Stop that.”

“Eh, I’m just teasing--”

“Why are you being so _annoying?_ ” The words left Haruka’s mouth before he could stop himself. “I don’t--I don’t even know you. Why is it like this…”

Now Matsuoka was silent.

Haruka exhaled, closing his eyes tightly. “I’m sorry.” He stood, pushing away from the table. “I have to go. I have another class,” he said, remembering his excuse from earlier. “Thanks for the tea.”

“Wait.” Matsuoka grabbed his wrist.

_Don’t_

Haruka closed his fist against the incoming intrusive memory.

“I know this probably sounds kind of weird, but--” Matsuoka’s fingers around his wrist trembled. “Could we… be friends? You don’t have to say yes.”

_friends_

Haruka freed his hand from Rin’s grasp, still not meeting his eyes. “...Maybe,” he finally said.

“...Okay.”

* * *

 

Rin watched Nanase push through the crowd of students in line towards the door. He wrapped his hands around his cup of coffee. At least that was still warm.

Nanase glanced back at him as he pushed open the door. Startled, Rin gave a small wave and a smile. Nanase walked out without returning either.

Rin buried his face in his hands. _What the hell is happening?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really tired of calling Rin "Matsuoka" all the time, but alas, the time when they get to be on a first-name basis is quite a ways away still.
> 
> Why is Rin so obsessed with Haru? Why does Haru want to hate Rin so much, but can't? What are all these strange feelings our boys are having?! ...Hopefully you won't have to wait too long to learn more lol
> 
> I really want some miso ramen now. no fish though.


	4. Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That Matsuoka guy is as annoying as ever. So why does Haruka even bother with him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, sorry this chapter took forever. I was busy finishing up my thesis and graduating college and all that, so I didn't have time to actually write, or partake in any of my other creative hobbies, for that matter. All of my free time was dedicated to video games cus I was too stressed to do anything else ^^;
> 
> Thank you for following this fic if you've been waiting for this chapter, and if you're new, welcome! Either way, I hope you enjoy~

Haruka was just as bad at English in university as he had been in high school.

He probably shouldn’t have expected it to be much easier--everyone his age had been taking English classes for years at this point--but he hadn’t quite expected so much of it to still be such a mystery to him by the time he’d entered university.

It wasn’t so much the written part that he had trouble with. He could decipher individual words and memorize vocabulary easily enough if he felt like putting in the effort to look things up, since the writing system was pretty simple compared to Japanese. It was the spoken part that didn’t make any sense. Nothing sounded the way it looked, so the writing system was basically useless. And native speakers always spoke so fast, and slurred all their words together, so understanding them was basically impossible. Not to mention the grammar rules were totally flawed, and people seemed to make words up as they went along.

Well, Haruka didn’t like to talk much, anyway, no matter what language it was in. He could get by on just reading, right?

“You should consider signing up for a tutor,” Makoto had suggested to him over the phone, after the first class had made it clear just how difficult this semester was going to be. “I’m sure there are students at your school who offer tutoring. Plenty of people at my school do tutoring for a little extra money.”

Haruka wrinkled his nose. “Money,” he grumbled. He’d much rather spend his money on things that really mattered, like food. And new swimsuits.

Makoto laughed. “English is a useful skill, Haru! You want to swim professionally someday, right? It’s good to know another language when you’re traveling abroad.”

Haruka paused. If he were being honest with himself, he hadn’t really thought that far ahead. He swam because it felt right, not because it fulfilled some kind of career goal. But to get to keep swimming _and_ make it his career--wouldn’t that be convenient? A future in anything but seemed pointless. Without swimming--he didn’t have much left. And if he abandoned swimming, he would abandon the only thing that kept him moving forward, kept him searching for more--and with it, his only chance at ever truly feeling at peace.

“I’ll look into it,” he finally said. He said his goodbyes to his childhood friend, ending the phone call with a _beep_ . _Stop meddling so much_ , he thought, but not without a hint of fondness.

* * *

 

Swimming, unlike English, came naturally to Haruka. Drifting through the water was as easy as walking, floating on its surface as easy as breathing.

Swimming _practice,_ however, was entirely different. There was so much training that didn’t even involve the water at all--and Haruka really didn’t like running, and really _hated_ lifting weights. After a few days of dryland-only training between classes, Haruka was itching to finally swim at Saturday’s practice. His eyes sparkled with longing for the water as he stretched his aching muscles at the poolside during warm-ups.

Ikuya pulled Haruka’s arms behind him, stretching his shoulders. Haruka winced. “Stop pulling so hard,” he grumbled.

“Stop skipping out on cooldown to swim more, and maybe your flexibility will improve.”

Haruka didn’t need to look up to see who it was.

“Oh, your friend is here.” Haruka could hear the smirk in Ikuya’s voice. If his arms hadn’t been restricted, that would’ve earned Ikuya a shove.

Matsuoka grinned. “Want some help, Nanase? Seems like you’re still pretty sore. And, no offense Kirishima,” he raised his hands in dismissal, “it doesn’t seem like you’re helping much.”

Haruka narrowed his eyes. _What a jerk._ “I’m fine,” he said, wrenching his arms out of Ikuya’s grasp. “And I can stretch just fine on my own.” He narrowed his eyes at Ikuya, whose smirk did not waver.

Matsuoka’s cheeky smile didn’t fade. “Fine, fine, go finish stretching. But when we get in the pool, you owe me a rematch!”

 _So childish,_ Haruka thought. _Is he actually twelve?_ “Not interested.” Haruka picked up his water bottle, taking a measured sip. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, accidentally making eye contact with Matsuoka.

For a split second, Matsuoka’s eyes widened, and lightning struck Haruka’s heart.

“Unless,” he lowered his hand, speaking before he could stop himself, “you’re that excited to lose?” Haruka’s breath felt light with the weight of his own challenge. _What am I saying…?_

Matsuoka drew in a sharp breath himself, his eyes brimming with gleeful anticipation. “Careful, Nanase,” his usual grin faded into a more amused smirk, “or you’ll be eating those words later.” He waved his hand, turning to leave. “Today might be a good day to get some extra pool time in after all,” he said a little too loudly, to no one in particular.

Haruka watched him return to his spot on the mat, his blood rising with a nervous euphoria that he hadn’t felt since he was young. He drew in a long, steady breath, trying to ease the tightness in his chest. It was just messing around with a teammate, nothing to get so worked up about--yet Haruka’s palms had grown clammy with the effort of keeping the rest of his body calm. He closed his fists, taking another deep breath.

“The hell was that all about?” Ikuya came up behind Haruka. “That was like something out of a bad drama.”

“That guy…” Haruka clenched his fists harder, feeling his heart surge. “He really pisses me off.”

Ikuya raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

“Oi, first years, stop fooling around.” Coach called, whistle poised. “If you’re done stretching then get in the pool for warm-ups.”

Haruka was careful to avoid interacting with Matsuoka during practice after that encounter. The energy he gave off was too strong, the tension between them becoming palpable. If they shared the pool before their race, there was no doubt they would clash and become charged with something fierce and unstoppable.

Matsuoka seemed to have the same idea. All day his eyes were trained sternly forward, his expression never wavering except to allow himself a smile when he sensed Haruka’s eyes on him. This was a completely different Matsuoka than the one Haruka knew--it was somehow thrilling. Haruka’s skin prickled at the sight of him.

 _Focus, Nanase,_ he chided himself. He couldn’t let the prospect of a little competition distract him from his training--especially when his rival hadn’t seemed to be affected by it at all.

 _Rival._ Haruka repeated the word in his mind. It had a nice sound to it.

* * *

 As practice ended and his teammates trickled away one by one, Haruka remained in the pool, floating back and forth on his back in a lazy not-quite-backstroke. He wondered if they wouldn’t be able to notice him if he didn’t make much noise.

Haruka dunked his head under water. From there, he could barely make out the muffled sound of his teammates’ talking as they wrapped up practice.

A sudden splash broke the quiet as someone plunged into the water right next to him. Haruka breached the surface, startled. Matsuoka was shaking the water out of his hair as he pulled his cap off.

“Yo!” He said, grinning, pushing his wet hair away from his face. “You ready to race?”

Haruka blinked.

“Senpai gave us the clear to keep using the pool for a few more minutes, as long as we put the lane dividers away,” Matsuoka continued.

“Oh.” Haruka took a long look up at the floor, where everyone else was already filing away for the showers. “...Who’s going to call it?” he finally said, with some difficulty.

“...Huh.” Matsuoka scratched the back of his neck. “I guess we’ll call it ourselves. Go by the clock.”

Haruka shrugged, trying to seem casual. He’d rather not admit that he’d prefer someone else to call it so he could be sure he won, if it came that close--which it inevitably would, if it went anything like last time. He wasn’t usually this competitive; it was a foreign, unsettling feeling.

As they approached the starting blocks, the room quieted, and Haruka suddenly realized that he was completely alone in the room with Matsuoka. That… was _not_ what he was hoping for when he’d thought of racing him. His chest felt hollow. He _really_ wished someone else would call the race for them, now. He had half a mind to call out to the last person leaving the room--Hoshizora, was it? It was definitely Hoshi-something--

“100 meters free,” Matsuoka declared, “same as the trials. And since you seem to _only_ swim _free_ ,” he added with a smirk.

Haruka avoided looking at him, adjusting his cap with a furrow in his brow. “I don’t need to swim anything else.”

Matsuoka chuckled at that. “Interesting.”

Haruka felt a chill run down his back, which he pointedly ignored.

Matsuoka’s grin disappeared completely. “Take your mark.”

Haruka could already hear the water rushing in his ears.

“Ready… Go!”

The moment they hit the water was like an explosion in Haruka’s mind. The rush of the water was a dozen times louder in his ears as he cut through the water with more power than was probably necessary for a practice race where no one was watching. But he could practically _feel_ Matsuoka swimming just as seriously in the lane next to him, so he pushed on.

They hit the turn in perfect sync. Matsuoka gained momentum off the wall, and pushed just half a body length ahead--but Haruka’s stroke was powerful. Within a few meters he had closed the distance, and they were neck-and-neck.

He couldn’t-- _wouldn’t_ let Matsuoka win. Free was _his_ thing, for one. Matsuoka seemed to prefer butterfly, so why couldn’t he just stick to that and let Haruka have his event? Of _course_ he had to go sticking his nose where it didn’t belong, like he was butting in on Haruka’s life _just_ to annoy him.

The final stroke could have happened in slow motion, and Haruka would still be certain that they touched the wall at the same time. When Matsuoka came up gasping for air, Haruka knew he was thinking the same thing.

But since Matsuoka was Matsuoka, he asked anyway. “So--” he leaned against the lane divider, trying to seem casual though he was clearly still catching his breath, “who won?”

_who was_

Haruka stared at Matsuoka for a long moment, seeing nothing, hearing nothing but his echoing voice--

_the winner?_

Going that long without breathing caught up with him, and he coughed, his body trying to get a grip on his oxygen intake. “I--don’t know,” he said limply, after the coughing had finished wracking his lungs.

Matsuoka stared at him, his expression unreadable. “...Me neither,” he finally said. Then, he smiled. “Rematch?”

Haruka gave him a dirty look, but he was already climbing out of the pool and onto the starting block.

* * *

 “Okay, but I definitely won the third time, you can’t argue that.”

“You ‘won’ on a technicality. If you can even call it a true victory. And I beat you the second time, despite nearly coughing up a lung right beforehand, so you might as well admit defeat, Matsuoka.”

“Ugh!” Matsuoka threw his hands up. “You’re so stubborn! Why don’t we just call it a tie for now and leave it at that?”

“Because it wasn’t,” Haruka said, folding his arms. Not to mention that calling it a tie would mean they would have to do this again, and spending any more time with Matsuoka than was necessary was absolutely unacceptable. “Not my fault you hate losing so much.”

“Oh my _God,_ ” Matsuoka said in English, reaching for the goggles hanging around Haruka’s neck. He pulled him sharply from across the lane divider, looking him square in the eye, daring him to continue.

Up this close, Haruka could see for the first time just how _red_ Matsuoka’s eyes really were. He would have thought that anyone with red eyes would have looked vicious or threatening, but on Matsuoka, all he could think of was rubies and red wine--which, when he was _trying_ to look threatening, kind of just made him look--

Matsuoka loosened his grip, finally pushing Haruka away. “Let’s--clean up,” he said quietly, looking anywhere else.

Haruka swallowed a lump in his throat he hadn’t known was there, and got out of the pool to help Matsuoka put the lane dividers away.

They were quiet as they cleaned up, only saying a few words to each other as they slowly put everything away. This whole day _really_ would have gone much more smoothly if someone had been there to call the race(s) _and_ then help them clean up, Haruka mused. He spun the discs of the dividers as Matsuoka wrapped them around his arms like a garden hose, suddenly very interested in guessing how many of each color there were.

“Well,” Matsuoka said, putting his hands on his hips after everything had been taken care of, “let’s hit the showers, huh?” Haruka couldn’t help but think it sounded like he was forcing himself to say anything to break the silence, as if he had a time limit for how long he could go without chattering nonsensically.

Once he was under the warm water in the shower, Haruka was relieved to be alone for a moment, and finally let himself relax. But relaxing led to his mind wandering into unwanted, dangerous territory; why was Matsuoka being so _weird,_ and what was up with him getting so up close in his face like that? And why did Haruka feel--the way that he felt, whatever it was? Matsuoka _annoyed_ him, but there was something compelling, even addicting about that strange way Haruka felt when he was around him. Like he _wanted_ to let Matsuoka keep annoying him. _Why_...

He tried not to be too conscious of Matsuoka’s presence in the very next shower, or his wet footsteps behind his own as they made their ways to the lockers in burdened silence.

The air was still thick with steam, and if Haruka looked closely enough, he could see the small tendrils evaporating off of Matsuoka’s skin as he pulled his locker open. He tore his eyes away, fiddling with the latch on his own locker with difficulty.

“Hey,” Matsuoka said. It was barely audible, but it made Haruka jump.

Haruka took in a shaky breath. “...Yeah?”

“Back there, in the pool…” Matsuoka focused his eyes on the contents of his locker. “You felt something too, didn’t you?”

Haruka froze. He was suddenly, painfully aware that he was naked. “I--”

“S...Sorry! I didn’t mean for that to sound weird,” Matsuoka laughed, scrambling to return to his usual self. “I just meant… I’ve never raced anyone like that before. It was kind of thrilling.” He pulled on a t-shirt, shaking out his damp hair.

Haruka stared at his own t-shirt in his hands, a faded and worn relic of his high school swim club days. “...Yeah,” he said softly. “Me neither.”

Matsuoka laughed, sounding relieved. “Guess that makes us _rivals_ now, huh?” He shoved Haruka’s shoulder in a sign of friendly camaraderie.

Haruka felt a shock run through him at Matsuoka’s touch, and for a split second, he wasn’t Matsuoka, but he was--

_Rin_

Haruka jumped, feeling his chest lurch with a strange sort of _pull_ towards Matsuoka that threatened the distaste he’d been so relentlessly holding onto.

Matsuoka pulled his hand back quickly. “Sorry,” he offered.

“It’s...fine,” Haruka replied, his voice weak.

“...Not the type for pats on the back?”

Haruka looked away. “It’s not a big deal.” Suddenly, Haruka was reluctant to push Matsuoka away. The feeling it elicited just now was brief, but it was like nothing he’d ever experienced before. _What had just happened?_ He couldn’t help wanting to explore the feeling--it felt like the first hint towards an answer to the mystery that was his entire _life_ up until this point.

And--did Matsuoka feel it too? It all felt _painfully_ coincidental. _Too_ much so.

 _Oh no_ . This meant he would have to spend _much_ more time with him. That was the opposite of what Haruka wanted.

And yet, Haruka wanted so badly to urge Matsuoka to continue. To ask him what _he_ had felt in the water--if it was anything like what Haruka had felt, and if he too had had strange dreams and feelings for so long that were starting to finally make just a little bit of sense, now that they were here in the same room together.

Matsuoka’s voice snapped him out of his reverie. “Well then…” he said, scratching the back of his neck, “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” He turned to leave, raising his hand in a wave.

“Yeah,” Haruka replied. Then, feeling daring thanks to the mood, he added, “And next time, I’ll really beat you.”

“Gh--” Matsuoka sputtered. “You asshole!”

* * *

 They didn’t have practice on Sunday. Haruka tried not to be disappointed.

He supposed that with the whole day to himself, it was as good a time as any to do all the things he had been putting off. He eyed the boxes in the corner of his room with disdain. He could spend the whole day and finish unpacking, but there was homework to be done.

Haruka sighed, reaching for the biggest box. At least if he set up his kotatsu, he would have somewhere to work other than on the floor.

Hours later, and the kotatsu was assembled, cleaned, and arranged neatly with cushions and a pot of tea. Haruka laid across two of the cushions, staring at the wall. He still had homework to do--and he couldn’t do it with those boxes in the corner of his eye.

The campus library was more alive than Haruka would have expected for the first Sunday of the semester, but still mostly empty. Haruka shivered into the air conditioned building, trying to find his way. There were a few flyers and posters sporadically lining the hall, advertising clubs to join and activities on campus. Some seemed familiar and normal--art club, calligraphy club, student government--but there were just as many that were strange and almost absurd. Haruka stopped to wonder at a flyer gauging interest for a club described only as “Ultimate.”

The poster next to it caught his eye.

ENGLISH TUTORING  
Offered by the English Language Club   
Ace your classes! Impress your friends!   
Get a good job...!?

Club Room #206  
Weekends and Weekdays Available!

Haruka tried to take a picture of the poster with his phone, but the photo came out too blurry to read. He opted for writing the room number in a note instead.

Looking into the mostly empty, quiet library, Haruka thought of the English work he had to struggle with. He chose to head for the club rooms instead.

Haruka checked the room number on his phone again before finally entering the building. _202_ … _204_ … He stopped at the room at the end of the hall. _206_. The light was on in the classroom. A figure moved somewhere inside behind the frosted glass on the door. Haruka took a breath, knocking on the door before deciding to just open it. “Excuse me--”

_Oh._

_Of course._

“Nanase!” Matsuoka looked up from his books, his eyes brightening. “Are you looking for an English tutor?”

“No.” Haruka shut the door.

He took the stairs back down two at a time, landing back on the front steps scarcely before taking a breath. Sitting down on the steps, he looked up at the sky, the sunset bathing everything in red, red, _red_.

Haruka buried his head in his hands, shutting his eyes against the light. _What the hell? Stop_ following _me--_

“Hey.” Matsuoka’s voice sounded behind him. Haruka’s stomach lurched, and his heart clenched. “Did I scare you? Sorry.”

“You didn’t scare me.” Haruka folded his arms across his knees, gripping the fabric of his jacket in his hands.

“I meant before.” Matsuoka stayed standing still behind him.

“You didn’t,” Haruka insisted. “I just… wasn’t ready to see you.”

“Wasn’t ready…” Matsuoka repeated. He sat down next to Haruka on the steps, a measured distance away. “ Are you ready now?”

Haruka’s entire body recoiled. “Yes.... no,” he said, furrowing his brow. “I don’t know.”

“Hmm.” Matsuoka smiled privately. “And here I thought we were getting on so well.”

Haruka crossed his arms more tightly, burying his chin in his arms. “...I didn’t mean it like that,” he said, his voice muffled by his jacket.

“I know,” said Matsuoka. Then, “...Is it weird, that I kind of know how you feel?” He scratched the back of his neck nervously.

“I don’t know,” Haruka said quietly. “I don’t know what’s weird and what’s not anymore.”

Matsuoka said nothing for a moment.

“You need an English tutor, right?” he finally asked. “I mean, why else would you have come out to the club room?”

Haruka sighed, defeated. “Yeah.”

“Well, I can tutor you.” Matsuoka’s smile was not the cheeky grin he wore at practice, but rather something much softer and warmer. Bathed in the red light of the setting sun, he all but glowed.

Haruka didn’t have it in him to refuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost ended this chapter with a line that is nearly identical to the line that ended the last chapter, so it's a good thing Rin decided to follow Haru outside instead, right? *sweats*
> 
> Thanks to RH tlist for helping me figure out what Haru would call himself in his head in this context. That one inconsequential sentence took like an hour to write because I couldn't decide. I don't think we ever collectively decided, but... let's go with this
> 
> Also, I still don't have a beta reader, so apologies for any mistakes... ^^; (this is my desperate plea for a beta) But... leave a comment if you read this far? ♥


	5. Monday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been 84 years, but I finally updated!? I'm sorry, to whoever might have been waiting patiently for this chapter! It's longer than the previous ones have been, so I hope that makes up for it?!
> 
> A big thank you to [Hina](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Hinalilly/pseuds/Hinalilly) for beta reading this chapter~

Rin awoke with a start at the sound of a commotion in the corridors of the palace. His stomach lurched. For a moment, he was eight years old, a boy who had just lost his father to an unspeakable crime. He looked down at his body in a panic, afraid to see the body of a child. Instead, he saw a young man--and relaxed.

He stepped out into the hallway, wrapping himself in a house robe. “Oh, good morning, my prince!” A few servants hastily paused to acknowledge him. “We apologize for the disturbance. A very large group is expected today.”

Rin shook his head. “Carry on.”

Rin sat down in the dining room for breakfast. His mother greeted him warmly. “Good morning, Rin. I see the servants have woken you up.”

Rin made a face, picking lazily through a bowl of fruit. “Are we really expecting so many that they must make preparations this early in the morning?” he groaned. He picked out an apricot and took a hearty bite. _Too ripe, too sweet_ \--he made a face.

Miyako handed him a linen napkin. “There may be as many as thirty girls,” she said with a sigh. “You may have to start immediately after breakfast.”

Rin rubbed at his tired eyes. _How exhausting_. The memory of his bed was increasingly appealing. “Must I meet them all today?” Rin pleaded, hopeful.

The queen sighed. “Rin, dear,” she said with measured patience, “you would not have to go through so many if you would simply choose. I don't mean to push you, but time is running short--you turn twenty in three months.”

Rin sighed, resting his head on his hand. “How can I decide to marry someone I’ve just met?”

His mother touched his arm. “Sit up, please,” she murmured, and continued. “You will not fall in love on the first day. All you must do is choose who you think will rule best alongside you, as a queen, and as a wife. All of the girls you have to choose from are perfectly lovely and intelligent young women.”

Rin said nothing. He knew it was more than just choosing the most suitable candidate for the job; he was choosing his partner for life. And despite his adolescence hardening him into a much less idealistic young man than he had been as a boy, there was still a large part of him that clung to the romantic stories of destiny and love written in the stars.

 _My father must have been luckier back then,_ he thought wryly, the dull ache of loneliness throbbing in his chest. Love was one luxury he could not afford.

And so Rin had to spend the entire day charming his guests, talking with each of them and trying his hardest to get to know them all. By the end of the day, he could hardly remember any of their names.

He joined his mother, sister and Aya for a late dinner after the guests had finally been dismissed. Miyako and Gou chattered happily about the girls they had met, eager to welcome a new woman to the Matsuoka line, yet the advisor ate beside the queen in silence. Rin stared at his plate, shuffling his beans about with a slice of bread. He counted out thirty beans, and ate them one by one.

His mother turned to him. “Did you like any of the girls you met today?” she asked.

Rin sighed. “Mother... you already know what I am going to say.”

The queen smiled sadly. “I know, my dear. But I worry for you.”

Rin’s frustration burned within him. He glared at the two remaining beans on his plate. “Is it really _me_ you are worried about?” His voice cracked as he raised his voice at his mother. He clenched the tablecloth in his fists, fighting away the tears stinging his eyes.

Gou touched his arm gently. “Brother.”

The queen finally spoke in a wavering voice. “You know that... you have a responsibility. To take your father’s place. If things were... different, perhaps it would be easier, but--”

Aya placed a comforting hand on the queen’s shoulder, and Rin’s blood _boiled_.

He closed his eyes tightly against his angry tears, pushing away from the table. The fine silks of his _kaftan_ fluttered as he turned on his heel and withdrew from the room, mentally cursing Aya with the foulest words he knew. The queen sighed heavily, burying her face in her hands.

“Brother, wait!” Throwing her napkin on the floor, Gou hurried to catch up with Rin.

Rin was heading for the stables, a cloth sack draped across his back. He turned at the sound of the princess’s voice. “Gou?”

“Wait…” she hurried to fall into step with him, catching her breath. “Where are you going…?”

Rin held his gaze forward. “To the oasis. I need to… think.”

“You are not _leaving_ \--”

“Gou.” He turned to face his sister with tired eyes. “I cannot continue to entertain these people knowing that none of them will be my bride. It feels wrong... and they deserve better.” He cast his eyes aside, his voice growing soft. “Our father found someone he could love, but I...”

Gou took her brother's wrist. “We are _royalty_ , brother. We have many privileges in this life, but love is not often one of them. You must make do with an arranged marriage, for the good of the kingdom. Or else...”

Rin shut his eyes tightly, feeling his sister's words piercing his selfish heart. “I must seem so foolish, clinging to dreams of true love, when I have such greater things ahead of me…”

“Brother.” Gou took Rin's hands in her own. “Regardless if you have a destined lover or not. The law requires you to marry, or you cannot take the throne.”

“I know.”

“And if you do not find a suitable partner by the time you come of age, you know Aya has every right to assume that role,” she pointed out dutifully.

Rin winced. “I know.”

“So please,” Gou squeezed his hands, “make a decision soon.”

“I will.” Rin adjusted his bag, straightening his back. “But I still have time. And I will still go to the oasis tonight.”

Gou sighed. “Be careful, brother.”

* * *

 

The evening sky sparkled with thousands of flickering stars. Rin followed the path they spelled out for him to the oasis, using the method his father once taught him long ago.

_“See that star, Rin? The brightest star in the sky. The Northern Star. If you follow it, you can always find your way here.”_

The oasis was a short camel ride north of the palace walls. He watched the sky change color as he traveled with the sunset behind him.

Sighing wistfully, Rin dismounted his camel, securing it on one of the shrubs surrounding the pool; if it really wanted to, it could break free, but his animals were loyal. A sudden sound broke his reverie. _Water…?_ He turned towards the pool, but there was no one in sight. “Hello?” He called, uncertain. “Is someone here?”

A head resurfaced from the water, shaking its dark hair dry. Sharp blue eyes opened behind the dripping strands, blinking curiously at him. The figure held Rin’s gaze unwaveringly, eyes and wet hair glistening under the light of the moon and stars.

Rin found the stranger captivating; he hesitated to speak, suddenly fearing it could be a dangerous water creature from one of the old myths that could hypnotize travelers with its beauty. “...Who are you?”

The stranger did not answer his question. “Is this a private oasis?”

Rin frowned. “By law, no--but I was sure I was the only one who knew of it…”

“Then it matters not.” The stranger continued to swim, ignoring Rin.

“Wait--” Rin started, before being splashed thoroughly in the face by the stranger's kick. “ _Ugh_ …” He wiped his face with his sleeve, now properly annoyed. “I only want to know your name,” he called out to the stranger once more.

The stranger continued to ignore him.

Resigned to his decision, Rin stripped himself of his robes and set them on his camel’s back, grumbling the entire time. He dove into the rather shallow pool, swimming after the stranger and grabbing hold of an ankle.

The stranger whirled around, appalled at the intrusion. “What are you doing?”

It then began to dwell on Rin just how ridiculous this course of action was. What had he been thinking, diving after and grabbing a stranger just for swimming in the oasis? Just because he found the stranger oddly charming in a way he couldn't place. It was an unexplainable feeling. But Rin had resolved to come to spend at least several hours here meditating on the decision he must make regarding his marriage arrangement--this stranger was, at the very least, distracting him.

Steeling his nerves, Rin spoke once more: “Tell me your name.”

The stranger stood in the water, now waist-deep. He appeared to be a young man about Rin’s age, muscles well defined not from exercise, but hard work. His tanned skin was a few shades darker than Rin’s, further indicating that he spent much more time out in the sun. He could have been a common bandit, for all Rin knew.

He drew closer, towering over Rin, who was still mostly submerged in the water. Leaning down to his level, the stranger brought his face near Rin's, and spoke softly. “No.”

It took a moment for the thoughts to regroup in Rin's head enough to determine that he was angered by the stranger’s response.

Rin huffed, discontented. “Why not?”

The stranger cocked his head to the side curiously. “Would you consider telling me your own name first?”

Rin felt that the question had an air of smugness to it, as if the stranger felt wise for pointing out obvious formalities and social protocol. But it felt wrong to immediately introduce oneself when royalty plays a factor. How could he introduce himself as the prince of this kingdom, the heir apparent to the throne? The stranger would certainly lose his smugly teasing attitude, and begin begging for forgiveness for his rudeness; alternatively, he could not even believe him, and laugh in his face. It was not a particularly appealing idea either way.

Rather, Rin refused the stranger’s request, looking away shamefully. “I… can’t. You might think of me differently.”

The stranger raised an eyebrow. “I come from another kingdom. I doubt I will have heard of you.” He flipped over in the water, kicking lazily.

Now it was Rin's turn to raise an eyebrow. “I'll wager,” he began, “that I can best you in a swimming race. Whoever is the loser must tell the victor his name.”

The stranger’s mouth broke into a small, meaningful smile. “I accept.”

Rin scrambled to the edge of the pool, choosing a rock to lean against. “We start here,” he said, gesturing, “and swim to the farthest rock there, on the opposite side. Whoever reaches it first is the winner.”

The stranger nodded seriously as he met Rin at the first rock. He looked forward towards his goal with undivided focus.

Rin was struck for a moment by how seriously his opponent considered this contest. He then set his own eyes forward, calling the start. “When this pebble hits the water,” he declared, raising his arm to throw it across the pool. “Ready… _Go_!”

They pushed off of the rock with powerful kicks in perfect unison. The water rippling outwards from the stranger's body beside him made his skin tingle, as if they were communicating through the waves. Rin pushed forward, encouraged by the explosive presence of the stranger in the water beside him.

In the small pool, the race ended quickly. The two young men threw their heads out of the water, gasping for breath. Their eyes met, mouths agape. They stared at one another for a long moment, catching their breaths.

“So--” Rin began, unsure if he was still breathless from the physical activity or the strange look on the other boy’s face. “Who was the winner?”

The stranger blinked. “Had I not been out of practice, I surely would have won by a large margin.”

“That does not answer my question.”

The stranger looked at their hands, still slapped firmly against the rock. “I am--uncertain.”

Rin exhaled sharply through his nose, grasping the hair at his forehead into a fist. “Why not this,” he offered, slicking his hair back. “We could simply introduce ourselves, like normal people.”

The stranger nodded. “You first, since you offered.”

Rin sighed, pulling himself out of the water to sit on the ledge of the rocks. He patted the spot next to himself, offering the stranger a seat. When the stranger merely blinked at him, he reached a hand out, pulling him up to his level. He tried not to dwell too much on how his hand tingled when it met the other boy’s.

Rin hugged his knees, bracing himself for what was to come. “My name is... Rin.”

“Rin…” The stranger muttered to himself. Then his eyes flashed in recognition. “Then you must be… Matsuoka Rin?”

Rin groaned, hiding his face in his knees. “Of _course_ you have heard of me…”

“You are... the prince of this kingdom.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Rin despaired.

The stranger's deadpan voice gained a measure of excitement. “And… you are looking for a bride, am I correct?”

Rin shot up out of his miserable position. “ _How_ do _you_ know about that?”

The stranger's voice was guarded. “I am--privy to certain information.”

“That is _private_ information!” Rin wailed. “To know that kind of thing about the royal family, you’d have to practically be royalty yourself.”

The stranger looked at Rin meaningfully.

Rin stared at the other boy in disbelief. “No. Who are you? You _must_ tell me your name now.”

With a sigh, the stranger finally relented. “My name is… Nanase Haruka. I am the prince of--”

“ _Iwami?!_ ” Rin cried. “What are you doing so far from home?”

“I came here…” Haruka said softly, looking down at his folded hands, “because I need help. My kingdom needs help.”

“Oh,” Rin's breath stuttered at Haruka’s forlorn expression. “What… what do you need help with?”

“Matsuoka--”

“Rin.” He held up a hand. “Call me Rin. We are friends now, after all.”

“Rin…” Haruka started, eyes wide. “Then, you may call me… Haru… Haruka.” He looked down sheepishly. “Only my friends call me Haru, really,” he said quietly, as if embarrassed there were others who thought fondly of him.

“Haru…” Rin spoke his new friend’s name, testing it on his tongue. His lips broke into a wide grin. “I like it. Haru.” He draped an arm loosely around the other boy. “Now Haru, do tell me what you need help with.”

Haruka looked pointedly away from Rin, but did not push him away. “My kingdom is suffering from a terrible drought. We had it under control, with my grandmother ruling as the queen. But my grandmother passed, and the problem only grew worse… Now, we are on the brink of a civil war because of the shortage of water. My grandmother was well loved as a ruler, and had a certain wisdom for keeping peace among the people, but I…”

Rin tightened his grip on Haruka's shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. “I’m sorry…” he said softly, at a loss for any other words.

“That’s why I found myself coming here,” Haruka continued. “This kingdom... has no shortage of water. It flows in your streets. And your army is strong. You have the power to help me...I must ask for your assistance.” Haruka grew quiet for a moment, mulling over his request. “I came here to formally request... that you send legions to my kingdom, to help keep my people at bay. And,” he smiled ruefully. “We need water. Desperately. Somehow…”

Rin’s breath halted for a moment. “Haru…” His hand trembled on Haruka’s shoulder. “I want to help you, but… that is not an easy request to fill. I mean--if I _could_ , I would love to help you, but--my mother… might be more hesitant.” He bit his lip, remembering their fight from that evening. “She is kind, but she isn’t _that_ kind. She won’t throw our country into an alliance if there’s nothing to be gained in return.”

“I think…” Haruka's voice grew stronger, “we can solve both of our problems at once.” Haruka sat up straight, facing Rin directly and looking him in the eye. He grasped Rin’s hand suddenly--Rin became acutely aware of the fact that they were both naked in the sand. “Rin. I offer… myself. As your bride.”

Rin sat in stunned silence, unable to comprehend what Haruka had just proposed. Then, he burst into a fit of laughter. “You _cannot_ be serious--!”

Haruka winced, offended by Rin’s laughter. “I _am_ serious.”

“But--” Rin scrambled, attempting to reason with the situation. “It could never be accepted, what with both of us men--not in the royal family! We would have no heir! Is that not the point of a royal marriage?”

“Not necessarily,” Haruka countered with ill-contained frustration. “Often it is simply a convenient means of forming an alliance between two kingdoms. Which, incidentally, is what we are trying to do--”

“But--”

“ _Rin_.” Haruka took Rin by the shoulders, forcing him to meet his eyes. Haruka's expression was perfectly serious. “I have _nothing_ else to give--and this is something you need. Very much. Am I correct?”

Rin stared in awe, struck dumb by the pleading gaze in Haruka's deep blue eyes. However dispassionate he had seemed at first, Haruka’s expression was wrought with emotion now. His glistening eyes, their blue color shining through even in the dim monochrome starlight, begged Rin to consider him seriously. How could Rin refuse such a desperate plea for help, from someone as breathtaking as Haruka?

“Then, if we must do this, at least…” Rin turned his face away, embarrassed at accepting the proposal--however begrudgingly. He nervously sought out his clothes across the oasis--too far away. _Damn._ “Allow me to know you better first, before we marry. We can spend some time together, if you stay in the palace.” He laughed, releasing some of the tension lodged in his chest. “I suppose you will be staying at the palace, regardless…”

Haruka's face smoothed out into a serene smile, an expression which Rin could not dare to look at directly. “Alright,” he agreed.

“We can... resolve the finer points of the alliance between our kingdoms while you stay. Before it’s...solidified.”

Haruka nodded.

“By the marriage.”

Haruka blinked, nodding again slowly.

“And--” Rin rubbed at his neck, embarrassed. “My family will want to meet you, too.”

“Family…” Haruka muttered, as if to himself. A cool breeze blew through the desert night, causing Haruka to shiver. He gathered some of the robes that had been strewn across the shore of the oasis, finding a cloth to wrap himself in. He handed a tunic to Rin. “Tell me... about your family,” he said.

And so they spent the night together under the stars, trading the stories of their lives. Rin fondly told of his mother and sister, while Haruka listened quietly with a smile hidden on his face.

“My father died when I was young,” Rin continued. “But before then, he taught me everything he could about the world. We would spend a lot of time here in this oasis together, just the two of us. We would wait until night fell, and he would tell me tales about the stars. And about… everything.”

“It seems like he had a strong influence on you,” Haruka said softly.

“Mhm,” Rin nodded, looking straight up into the sky from where he was lying on his back beside Haruka. “As a child, I wanted so much to be like him. When he died, I thought I had to _become_ him, to carry on his legacy. I struggled with that for a long time--I _still_ struggle with that, at times…” Rin swallowed, stopping himself. He was surprised at himself for opening up so quickly to Haruka, when they had known each other for scarcely a few hours. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m telling you all this.”

But Haruka was a caring and attentive listener. “You are your own person,” he responded sincerely.

Rin’s heart swelled. He rolled over onto his side to face Haruka. “Why are you so accepting of me?”

Haruka blinked. “Because... I need you.”

“I see.” Rin huffed, and rolled away to lay on his back again. “I _am_ just a means to an end, I suppose.”

“That is _not_ what I meant--”

“Then what?” Rin sat up sharply, facing Haruka on the sand beside him.

Haruka sat up beside Rin, facing him with a measure of uncertainty. He did not meet his eyes. “I am alone,” he said finally. “I have already told you… I no longer have any family. And,” Haruka smiled wryly, “you are… easy to talk to.”

Rin gaped at Haruka, a blush creeping up his face. “I--” he choked. “I’m afraid… I will only disappoint you.”

Haruka's hand covered Rin's. “We shall see.”

* * *

 

Under the soft light of the barely risen sun, they rode back to the palace together. Rin held up a finger to his lips as he unlocked the back door of the stables, quietly guiding his camel through. Haruka followed him uneasily, his own camel in tow, never taking his eyes off of the guard at the other door.

“Pay them no mind,” said Rin, once they were inside. “They will never tell.”

Haruka couldn’t understand how the guards could possibly allow a stranger to enter through the back door of the palace, but nodded anyway.

“They’ll never know I was gone,” Rin mused. “I will act as if I were here all along, of course. You will introduce yourself as if you have just arrived this morning, after traveling all night--that way, arrangements for a room and a bed will be made for you quickly. You must be exhausted.”

“Mm…” Haruka nodded along. “What about you? You also stayed awake with me through the night.”

Rin waved a hand in front of his face. “Don’t worry about me. I will speak to the guards to make sure your presence is known. All you must do is be yourself.”

Haruka nodded, unsure. Rin led him through the halls of the palace to the head of the Royal Guard.

“Rei!” He whisper-yelled, spotting the guard on duty. “I have a favor to ask of you.”

“My prince?” The guard turned. “Why are you awake at this hour?”

It was a comical question for the guard to be asking, despite his position--he was a young man who appeared to be the same age as Rin, maybe even younger. But he carried himself with a certain level of duty and authority that made him seem wise beyond his years.

“Nevermind that,” Rin waved a hand. Pulling on Haruka's wrist, he drew him forward towards Rei. “This is Prince Nanase Haruka of Iwami. He will be arriving this morning.” Rei raised an eyebrow. “Upon his arrival, he will be requesting an audience with the Royal Family.”

Rei looked between the two, his eyes falling on Rin's hand still clasped around Haruka's wrist. “I see,” he nodded. “Come then, Prince Nanase. We shall wait for your arrival in my office.”

Wide-eyed, Haruka turned to Rin. Rin urged him on with a smile and a tilt of his head.

Haruka followed Rei down the hallway to the tune of Rei’s excited chatter. “Prince Nanase, it is an honor to serve you. Legends have been told in this kingdom of your family, but never would I have imagined…”

Haruka turned his head to shoot Rin a desperate glance. _How dare you leave me with him,_ it said.

Rin hid a chuckle behind his hand, waving Haruka goodbye for now. He then ducked into his bedroom, where he napped in his room for an hour or so, waiting to be called for the audience with his new guest.

* * *

 

Rin woke up a few minutes before his alarm, but he felt more groggy than refreshed. He rubbed at his eyes, blinking away the sleep.

He had had one of those dreams again. The details were fuzzy, but…

_Rin_

_Matsuoka Rin_

_I need you--_

Rin’s chest tightened. The voice in the foggy memory of his dream had seemed so… _familiar._ He clutched at the fabric of his sleep shirt. Whose voice was it?

No matter how hard he concentrated, he couldn’t recall his late father’s voice; yet _this_ voice felt fresh in his mind, as if he had just heard it moments ago, or yesterday.

He rolled out of bed, running fingers through his own hair as he padded across his apartment to the kitchen. He filled up two glasses of water and crossed over to the tiny makeshift shrine. Kneeling on the floor, he replaced the glass of water there.

“That wasn’t you, was it, Dad?” he said quietly. Rin’s father, frozen in time in the photograph, said nothing. Rin laughed to himself. “Didn’t think so.” He picked up the framed photo, taking a swig of his own glass of water. It was a picture of Rin and his father on Rin’s first day of kindergarten--one of the last pictures they had taken together. “You know, even if it was you,” he said, putting the photo back on its shelf, “I don’t know if I would have recognized your voice.” He grinned. “Sorry Dad. We’re still good, right?” Rin made a fist, bumping the frame gently with his knuckles. His smile only wavered slightly.

Rin stood up to put the used water glasses in the sink. Just then, his phone started blaring his alarm. “Ugh, shut up,” he muttered, running across the room to turn it off. “Alright, alright…” He cleared the screen, and double-checked the date and time, frowning. It was Monday.

Monday-- _morning training, class, maybe I can fit in a nap here? then afternoon practice, then_ … Rin scrolled through his calendar app. _Oh!_

_17:30. English tutoring - Nanase Haruka_

Rin felt awake with a new sense of energy. _Nanase._

 _Ah… what the hell is this?_ Rin laughed at himself. He thought of Nanase sitting on the steps in the light of the sunset the day before.

_“I don’t know what’s weird and what’s not anymore.”_

A soft smile found its way onto Rin’s face. If anyone could understand what was going on his own weird brain... maybe it was Nanase.

* * *

 

There was no one in the world more different from Haruka than Matsuoka--in fact, Haruka was convinced that Matsuoka had been put on this earth _specifically_ to annoy him.

No one should be as happy as Matsuoka was to be arriving at the weight room at 7:00 in the morning on a _Monday_ , yet _here he was_ , all smiles and greeting his teammates with a _“Good moooooorning!”_ instead of the expected grumbled _“hey.”_ Haruka resisted the urge to make a face. It was too early for this.

He slinked off into a corner, narrowly avoiding Matsuoka’s greeting by putting in his earphones and pretending to stretch. He watched Matsuoka’s figure in the mirror until he determined that the coast was clear on the mats, and made his way over to stretch for real.

Haruka spent the entire morning training session this way, focusing less on his workout and more on avoiding the chipper Matsuoka at all costs. He breathed a sigh of relief when he finally completed the circuit without running into him once. He sat down on the mat, letting his muscles rest before cooling down.

“Oh, Nanase!” No. _No._ “Haven’t seen you all morning.” Matsuoka took the spot next to him, smiling that goofy grin of his. Haruka hesitated to acknowledge him. His headphones were still in, maybe he could pretend he couldn’t hear…

“Helloooo? Nanase?” Matsuoka poked his shoulder.

 _Damn it._ Ripping out his headphones, Haruka whirled around with what he hoped was an angry expression. “ _What._ ”

Matsuoka’s eyes widened a bit. “I’m just saying hello, jeez.” He put his hands up in mock defense.

“I’m busy.” Haruka put his headphones back in, turning pointedly away and doing the first stretch that came to mind.

There was no music playing from Haruka’s headphones anymore, so he heard Matsuoka loud and clear when he spoke again in a quieter voice. “...Fine. Not like I wanted to talk to you, anyway.”

Haruka bit the inside of his cheek. He’d probably been a little _too_ rude. But, maybe Matsuoka would take the hint and _chill_.

(Matsuoka did not, in fact, take the hint.)

Haruka thought he’d rid himself of Matsuoka’s presence by afternoon practice, yet here he was again, being annoying.

“Yo, Nanase! Let’s race!”

Haruka mentally cursed. “Don’t want to.”

Matsuoka’s smile fell into a smirk. “Why? Afraid you’ll lose?”

Haruka’s chest lurched. “No. I’d definitely win.”

Matsuoka leaned in, his eyes narrowing. Standing face to face like this, it was easy to see that he was _definitely_ taller than Haruka. _Annoying._ “Then prove it, Na-na-se.”

Haruka pulled his goggles back down to his eyes, pressing them firmly. “Too bothersome,” he said, climbing onto the starting block. He dove into the water without thinking, leaving the chattering Matsuoka behind.

In the water, it was quiet. Haruka wished he didn’t need to breathe so he could stay under forever. As he broke the surface, he idly wondered how long he _could_ go without breathing. He neared thirty meters--thirty-five. His lungs were burning.

He gasped for breath on the next stroke, and his rhythm was broken.

Above him at the edge of the pool, his senpai was shouting. “What the hell are you doing, Nanase? Breathe!”

Haruka faltered reaching for the wall. His chest was heaving as he ripped off his cap and goggles. “S...sorry,” he croaked. Above the surface of the water, it was too noisy. The sound of his own breath was deafening to his ears.

His senpai reached out his hand, pulling him out of the pool. Haruka stood in a daze, blinking a few times to bring his vision back into focus. “You’ve got a long way to go before you can go fifty without _breathing,_ ” his senpai-- _it was Sugiyama,_ Haruka remembered--scolded him. “You’re good, but you’re not there yet.”

“Sorry,” Haruka said again, bowing his head.

Sugiyama gave his back a quick pat. “Don’t push yourself too hard. It’ll just send you backwards.”

Haruka nodded, fixing his goggles back on his head. He hadn’t even been pushing himself, not really--he just swam the way his body told him to. His breathing started to return to normal as he lined up at the starting block for another round.

The whistle blew, and Haruka was in the water again. But as he surfaced, he felt something different about _this_ water. It was _that_ feeling--

In the next lane, Matsuoka was inching past him towards the wall.

Haruka picked up his stroke, hitting the turn with force, but he was still falling behind. _I won’t lose,_ he thought, feeling his lungs burn again. _Not to this guy._ But as he hit the wall, he knew that Matsuoka had beat him there. Ignoring Matsuoka’s presence next to him, he pulled himself out of the water and got back in line.

_Damn it. He’s so distracting._

A weight on his shoulder shocked him out of his focus, and really, who else could it have been but _him_. “ _Nanaseeee~_ ” Matsuoka sang, leaning in far too close. “You’re not operating at full power today, huh~?”

Haruka narrowed his eyes, turning away. He wanted to shrug Matsuoka’s arm off his shoulder, but his body wouldn’t move; he was frozen in place, an echo pounding in his head--

_Haru_

Why did that voice sound like...

“I can’t have my _rival_ falling behind,” Matsuoka continued with overly affected concern, putting way too much emphasis on the word _rival_. “Aren’t you being kind of reckless?”

“ _No,_ ” Haruka huffed, now thoroughly annoyed. “I’m not being anything.”

“You know,” Matsuoka just kept talking, as if he hadn’t heard Haruka at all, “I noticed the last few rounds, your rhythm kind of stutters when you breathe.” _Shut up._ “Do you think you might be holding your breath too much? Because, I’ve struggled with my breathing technique before too, and I found it’s helpful to--”

“Shut _up,_ ” Haruka snapped, a little too loudly, throwing Matsuoka’s arm off his shoulder.

...Oh. He had said that out loud.

“O-Oi,” Matsuoka scowled, “I’m just trying to be helpful--”

“You’re _not_.” Now, everyone else at the blocks was looking at them. _Shit._ “You’re just being _annoying._ ”

“A--” Matsuoka choked. His face twisted, as if he was somehow actually a bit _hurt_ by Haruka’s words.

Now Haruka kind of felt bad. He was blowing his anger way out of proportion, he knew, but he just--had no control over his thoughts when Matsuoka was touching him.

_Wait, that sounds too weird--_

“I’m--cool-down,” Haruka mumbled, turning his head sharply away. Some of his teammates were whispering now; he tuned them out as best he could until he was out of earshot on the other side of the pool.

“Trouble in paradise?”

In Ikuya’s lane, the all-rounders were falling into their slower cool-down rhythm. They seemed far too relaxed for the current mood, Ikuya himself included. Haruka scowled at him.

“I’m _joking,_ ” Ikuya raised his hands. “I just thought you guys seemed like you were close, is all.”

“We’re _not._ ” _I don’t even_ know _that guy._

“Alright, alright.” Ikuya relented, unceremoniously dropping himself into the pool.

Haruka turned his glare in Matsuoka’s general direction. The other boy wasn’t looking at him, but Haruka knew he was avoiding his eyes. He just _knew._

He took a deep breath, willing himself to calm down. _It’s not a big deal,_ he thought to himself. _He’s not worth getting so worked up about… he’s just an annoying guy, that’s all. Showing how annoyed I get will only provoke him more… I can’t let him affect me._

Haruka started his cool-down, finding himself paying extra attention to his breathing. The water was charged with a different sort of energy now; instead of peacefully embracing him, it lapped harshly against his skin, holding him back. Haruka fought just as hard against it.

_Ikuya’s wrong. I have nothing in common with that guy._

The water was mocking him.

Despite starting his cool-down early, Haruka was still one of the last ones out of the pool; every muscle in his body was burning as he finally pulled himself out. He relished the few moments of quiet before entering the noisy locker room, where some of the rowdier members were making fools of themselves. Haruka walked purposefully past them towards the showers. _So much energy…_

He twisted the shower on forcefully. This water was different, too--Haruka made unusually quick work of his shower, and avoided everyone’s eyes on his way to his locker. It felt _wrong._

“Um.”

Haruka froze, holding his locker open.

“If you want to call off the whole tutoring thing, that’s fine.” Matsuoka’s voice was soft, with none of its usual energy. Damn it, that was his fault, wasn’t it?

“...No.” Haruka turned to face Matsuoka properly. He looked like a different person, without that big grin on his face. There was no trace of the bubbling confidence and cocky attitude from earlier. It occured to Haruka that this might be the _real_ Matsuoka--a side of himself rarely shown to others. Haruka didn’t want to think about what that might mean for _him_ \--he only knew that it was his own fault that Matsuoka looked so dejected, and he couldn’t let that stand. He nodded with resolve. “I’ll go. I know a good ramen place.” He hoped his stomach wasn’t growling as he said that--he was pretty hungry.

Matsuoka smiled--it was soft, genuine. “Okay. Lead the way.”

* * *

 

“...Do I need to pay you?”

“Eh?” Matsuoka picked up a knot of noodles with his chopsticks. “N-not really… I mean, technically we aren’t supposed to ask for money, since it’s through the school, but--” he rubbed the back of his neck, eyes trained on his noodles. “If you really feel obligated, you could just buy me lunch, or coffee or something…” He hurriedly stuffed the noodles into his mouth, as if to shut himself up.

Haruka regarded him with fascination. He nodded seriously. “So like a date, then.”

Matsuoka choked. “No!” he sputtered, his mouth still full. He gulped. “No…!” He reached for his glass of water and took a huge swig.

Haruka looked at him unblinkingly.

After taking a moment to recover, Matsuoka narrowed his eyes. “Are you… _messing with me?_ ” Haruka said nothing. Matsuoka’s eyes widened, and he laughed. “Damn, Nanase, I didn’t think you were capable of that kind of thing!”

Haruka turned back to his food without a word. He still felt a little awkward after their… was it a fight? He wasn’t sure if he could call it a proper fight if they were barely even friends. But he hoped he could smooth things over by just acting normally. Although Matsuoka got on every last one of his nerves, it would be even more troublesome to make an enemy than to make a friend.

“Anyway,” Matsuoka continued, now making the smart decision to put his chopsticks down altogether while talking, “it’ll be good to set up a regular day out of the week, since our schedules are both pretty rigid.” He pulled out his phone, tapping through his calendar app. “Is this time usually good for you? I think Thursdays would also be good, unless you’d rather do a weekend…”

Haruka’s eyes were fixed on Matsuoka’s fingers as they scrolled through his phone. “...It doesn’t really matter,” he said, breaking off a piece of egg.

Matsuoka looked up at him briefly before looking back down at his phone. “Mondays it is, then.” He entered the time into his calendar with ease and pocketed his phone. “So,” he picked up his chopsticks again, stirring his ramen absentmindedly. “What level of English are you taking anyway?”

“...The lowest one they offer,” Haruka grunted.

“Seriously?” Matsuoka raised an eyebrow. “You’ve probably covered most of what’s in the first course in high school.”

The expression on Haruka’s face twisted into something like pain. “Maybe.”

“From what I know, most people just take that one to get a requirement out of the way and be done with it,” Matsuoka rubbed his chin. “If you’re seriously taking it…no, you can’t be _that_ bad at English--”

“I’m not _stupid_ ,” snapped Haruka, his eyes narrowing. “I just never bothered to put in the effort to actually _learn_ it.” A pause. “...Until now, that is.”

The air between them fell silent and heavy as Haruka focused his eyes anywhere but on Matsuoka. After a moment, Matsuoka cleared his throat, attempting to dispel the tense atmosphere. “Well.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s a good skill to know, if you plan on going pro, with all the traveling you’ll be doing. So. Good on you for taking it seriously... I guess?”

 _Going pro_ … Haruka knew in the back of his mind that that was where he must be headed, but it still threw him off balance to hear, as if being reminded of his own breathing. ( _Bad analogy, Nanase.)_

“Do… you plan on going pro?” Haruka cautioned to ask, wrinkling his brow.

Matsuoka shrugged. “Well, yeah.” As if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “My dad was a swimmer, so I gotta continue the legacy, you know?”

Haruka shook his head. “No. I don’t.”

Matsuoka twirled his finger around the rim of his glass, sighing. “Well, I mean, it’s not like I _have_ to. I just want to honor him, I guess. My dad taught me to love swimming. So, I’ve always wanted to go pro, even before…” He stopped, looking up at Haruka with a worried glance. “...Sorry. I don’t know why I’m telling you this.”

“It’s fine.”

The table wobbled a bit as Matsuoka fidgeted uncomfortably. He caught his glass to make sure it wouldn’t tip over. “I--” He took another hurried swig of water. “I’m sorry. I got ahead of myself. You’re just really easy to talk to, I guess.”

Haruka said nothing.

“So.” Matsuoka took another gulp of water, exhaling a bit too dramatically as he put his glass down. “That’s the story, my dad’s gone.” Although Haruka still said nothing, Matsuoka put up his hand to stop him from talking. “And he has been for a while, so I don’t want to hear any ‘sorry’s or anything.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Okay.” The air around Matsuoka visibly relaxed. “Anyway. I guess it’s pretty late at this point to really start tutoring you.” He gestured towards their nearly empty bowls of ramen.

“Mm.” Haruka nodded. “I think… I’ll survive until the next class.” Somehow, talking with Matsuoka had reassured him a bit.

Matsuoka grinned. “Well, it’s good to know you’re not completely hopeless.” He picked up his bowl, finishing off the last of the broth. Haruka realized he had been staring at him the whole time, and quickly looked away.

“Thanks.” A hand appeared in between them, slapping a receipt face-down on the table.

“Ah,” Matsuoka dug into his bag for his wallet.

Haruka picked up the bill and flew to the counter.

“Oi--Nanase?!” Matsuoka whirled around, seeing Haruka counting out notes to the cashier.

Haruka returned calmly, change in hand. He poured the coins into a pocket on the inside of his bag, closing it carefully.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Haruka looked at Matsuoka incredulously. “Paying.”

“Ugh,” Matsuoka cringed. “This time doesn’t count! I didn’t teach you anything.”

“I wanted to,” Haruka shrugged. _As an apology, for earlier._

Matsuoka pursed his lips, clearly not satisfied with Haruka’s answer. “Then,” he pouted, “I’ll pay next time.”

“No.”

“ _Oi,_ ” Matsuoka huffed, but stopped himself, sighing. “You… you’re actually a pretty decent guy, aren’t you?” Both of Haruka’s eyebrows shot up. “Don’t make that face…!”

Haruka gathered his bag, standing up from the table.

“...Thanks.”

Haruka paused, looking back at Matsuoka. The dim, reddish light of the restaurant almost made it seem like he was blushing. “I don’t just mean for the food,” Matsuoka continued. “I mean for not hating me.”

“I couldn’t hate you,” Haruka said quietly.

“What was that?”

“You were right,” said Haruka, louder now so Matsuoka could hear. “About the breathing. I wasn’t paying attention.”

Matsuoka gaped for a brief moment, then broke into one of his toothy grins. “Guess I get to say ‘I told you so.’”

Haruka frowned, but it had no real malice. _Next time don’t be so nosy,_ he thought in Matsuoka’s direction. _It’s troublesome._

They parted ways at the door, Matsuoka claiming he had planned on running home. Haruka couldn’t imagine running with such a full stomach, but he didn’t question him. What Matsuoka did wasn’t his business, anyway--even if Matsuoka seemed to think that everything _Haruka_ did was _his_ business.

A scowl settled on Haruka’s face as he walked home. He could have backed out of the tutoring tonight, or even entirely. He could have gone back to the club and requested a different tutor. He didn’t even really _need_ to learn English at all.

_if you plan on going pro_

Matsuoka’s words echoed in Haruka’s head. _Did_ he plan on going pro…? He just wanted to swim, and not be bothered by the logistics. He didn’t really need to know any more English than he already did, even if he did swim professionally--there would always be someone to translate, at that level.

So _why_ did he care so much?

Matsuoka was so sure of himself, by comparison. Here was someone who had waited his whole life to be here, who had always wanted this. He knew what he was doing in life, he had _plans,_ he had _dreams_. He worked hard, and it showed. Until now, Haruka hadn’t needed to _try_ \--he glided through life with relative ease, always doing what came naturally to him. And now, Matsuoka had appeared ahead of him, teasing him, daring him to catch up. It was _annoying._

But what annoyed Haruka even more was that he _wanted_ to. He wanted to push himself further, and chase this feeling, whatever it was. He wanted _more_ \--more of what, he didn’t know. All he knew was the urge to go _further, higher,_ had awakened in his heart.

Haruka didn’t even want to consider that Matsuoka might have been a catalyst for this change. But did know, although he hated to admit it, that he _hated_ to lose--especially to Matsuoka Rin.

 _Rivals_ , indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I can barely swim like, doggy-paddle, so I know nothing about techniques. I just google everything and hope it makes sense /sob
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope you'll leave a kudos and/or comment if you liked it. Until next time...! (and hopefully next time won't be so far away...!)


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